


Natasha - My history

by blindsmarcy



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blindsmarcy/pseuds/blindsmarcy
Summary: Sometimes we have the opportunity to go back to the past and reflect and give thanks for everything we have had and for how grateful we have been throughout our lives.This fanfic tells the story of Natasha, an FBI agent who has lived her life intensely and is turning her thoughts to all the opportunities she has had in both career and love.
Relationships: Edgar Reade & Tasha Zapata
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

\- Luca! Come with grandma! I prepared your snack. - The four year old boy was playing with his lego on the living room floor and there were signs of his presence all over the house.  
Tasha's oldest grandson. The little boy was clever and smart. It was a perfect mix of his parents, his skin as clear as his mother's, his eyes as brown as his father's, his smile was confused between mother and father. His curly black hair mixed with his parents'. The little boy had a strong genius and Tasha knew very well what he wanted, that reminded Tasha his son Miguel as a child, Tasha's heritage for sure.  
Seeing him get up smiling and coming towards her made her think of Reade the day they met. It had been over thirty years ...  
\------- -------- -------

May 2011. On a rainy morning, the girl took the subway towards the FBI building. Natasha wasn't sure if jeans, long-sleeved blouse, leather jacket and heeled boots were a good choice. She had been in Quantico for a few months and had previously worked for the NY Police for five years, which helped her to grow as a person and as a professional. The reasons for leaving the NYPD varied from personal to professional. Some painful events in her time in the police led to very serious attitudes from which she was still trying to recover.  
There was Natasha climbing the elevators towards what could be her new job. Could this be the path she would take for a long time from now? Well, better to wait to pass the test before drawing conclusions.  
She, along with several Quantic recruits, were introduced to Mayfair and Fisher who would be the ones to do their assessments.  
\- Welcome to the New York office, to the Federal Investigation Department. - Said Fisher calling everyone's attention. - The course you have chosen will not be easy and by this time next year approximately half of you will have already given up and gone on to something less demanding. Now choose a workplace and become familiar with it.  
Tasha went looking for a computer table and sat down. There was a glass of tea on the table that she removed.  
\- You are in my seat. - A male voice spoke behind her.  
\- Ah! And who are you? - Tasha asked turning around.  
\- I'm Edgar Reade. - The boy spoke. - And who are you?  
\- Natasha Zapata. - She replied and felt that he could be very irritating and that their relationship could be unbearable.  
\- Is it coffee? - Natasha asked seeing the cup beside him.  
\- No, tea. That has all the benefits of coffee, but without that unpleasant burning taste and without the side effects of stirring. - Reade explained.  
\- So agitation is a problem for you? - The girl teased him. - I'll make sure Fisher knows that when he's dividing the agents.  
\- You might think this is funny. But two missions in Afghanistan and my time in the Quantico say that I will be fine. - He said trying to take advantage. - Is that you? What did you do before that?  
\- NYPD, the best in my station. - Tasha said with little humility.  
\- Good for your police station. - He scoffed.  
\- Somebody kill me, please! - Natasha asked.  
\- So, how are we adapting? - Fisher spoke from behind the two.  
\- I heard comments that there could be a vacancy in Special Agent Weller's task force. - Natasha spoke very direct, because she wanted to be free of that annoying boy. - I wanted to know what I need to do to apply for the job.  
\- You two are two birds of a feather. - Fisher replied. - Your colleague, Agent Reade asked me the same thing earlier today. - The two newly recruited looked a little embarrassed. - You are not the only ambitious ones here, but you need to be patient. If you think you are more than you really are, especially you, Agent Reade. - The older man pointed to Reade. - If you want to be taken seriously here, you shouldn't dress like you're cleaning the garage. - Reade studied his simple clothes and saw that Zapata struggled to contain his laughter. - And you two need to learn more about respect. I'll take you to the right place. Come on.  
Fisher led them toward a room.  
\- Welcome to the mountain of archived cases. - He showed several stacks of files. - Your job is to forward all these files so that they are registered in your departments.  
\- All of it? - Reade asked discouraged.  
\- Welcome to the New York office!  
After examining and separating several cases they were already tired of dealing with it.  
\- I really feel like I'm being useful. - Reade complained.  
\- Look, I don't know about you, but I need this job. So let's keep working. - Natasha said rummaging through the documents.  
\- Wait. I am finding this case here a little strange. It speaks of a body found in the Hudson River, but part of the file is missing.  
They decided to investigate the case and went to the lab for help. It was their first contact with Patterson, the blonde nerdy scientist. With the information collected by the blonde, they located a woman who could be involved in the manufacture of bombs made from harmful gases that in the end were the same found in the body found in the Hudson. The two decided to call a woman named in the file for a conversation.  
\- What are you doing? Fisher caught them in the interrogation room talking to the woman. - Interrogating a woman who is not even a suspect is not acceptable here!  
\- This is not an interrogation is just a conversation. - Tasha tried to explain.  
\- You are excused and I apologize for this situation. - Fisher dismissed her.  
\- And you two are going to have to explain yourself to Assistant Director Mayfair.  
The two young men tried to explain themselves, but it was in vain. They went to talk to Mayfair who decided to give them a second chance. Tasha and Reade returned to check the case reports and Reade looked a little discouraged.  
\- I think I better give up. - He spoke a little sad. - I don't know where I was with my head thinking the FBI was a good idea.  
\- Hey! Listen me! - Natasha warned him. - You won’t give up like that!  
\- Perhaps it is wiser for me to return to my family.  
\- Reade. - Natasha put her hand over his and spoke in an attempt to convince him. - I won’t allow you to give up!  
\- Then that's it? - Reade looked at her. - Will you dictate the orders here?  
\- I will! And I will not allow you to give up on your first day.  
\- Okay. I stay!  
Natasha was happy that he decided to give himself a chance. She knew what Fisher was doing. Many instructors and supervisors did this to test recruits and see how far they can go.  
\- Look Tasha, the case of the bomb isn’t out of my head.  
\- Not even mine. - Tasha was thrilled to know that just like her he also wanted to continue the investigation.  
\- Let's try to solve this. - Reade spoke.  
The two spent much of the afternoon investigating the case. With the help of some people, they discovered the location where the bombs would be stored. They decided to speak with Agent Weller.  
\- If what you two are telling me makes sense, I will put some agents in it. - Agent Weller said.  
\- Let us go too. - Natasha asked.  
\- Yes. We work on it the whole day. - Reade confirmed.  
\- Look. The Bravo team is in need of an agent. I think it could be one of you two. - Weller proposed.  
\- Take Zapata! She worked hard on that investigation. - Natasha did not understand why Reade was indicating it being that he wanted it too.  
\- No. Take Reade. I'm sure he has potential and has a lot to offer. - Natasha didn't want him to give up on the FBI and decided to give it a little push.  
\- Okay. I'll take you both. - Weller said. – Let’s move!  
Both were very happy to be accepted into Kurt Weller's task force and they prepared to go to the field.  
\- Of course we would have the back door. - Natasha complained while the two waited outside the warehouse.  
\- In my time in Afghanistan I was usually the first to go through the door, so ...  
\- Can we stop this? - The brunette asked.  
\- Stop with what? - Reade made a fuss.  
\- You keep mentioning your past as a military because you feel threatened by my time in the police. - She explained. - I understand that most guys feel threatened by this. Almost as bad as my boyfriend.  
\- Oh really? What's his problem? - Reade wanted to know.  
\- He just wants me to get a safer job and he wouldn't be happy with it on my first day.  
\- Maybe he is not the right guy for you.  
Natasha heard those words and reflected on that for a moment. Until the two heard a gunfight inside the warehouse and were called in to help contain the bandits. In the end Tasha shot a guy who was pointing the gun at Reade and saving his. The knowing smile they exchanged seemed only the beginning of a long partnership.  
Each left for their home, both full of plans for their professional life.

The next day they met in the elevator and Edgar Reade was wearing a suit and carrying a leather suitcase.  
\- Wow! You really took Fisher's fashion advice seriously! - Tasha joked.  
\- Do you think I'm exaggerating a little? - The boy wanted to know.  
\- No way.  
\- I won't apologize for looking good. - Reade justified. - Then another day at work. Do you think you will overcome yesterday?  
\- Yes, I'm willing to try.  
\- How did your boyfriend react about you going to the field yesterday? - The truth is that the boy was a little curious about it.  
\- That guy is not my boyfriend anymore. - Reade was a little impressed. - I think I am tired of relationships. They tend not to agree with what we do.  
\- Don’t tell me that. I know! - Edgar Reade knew how she felt.  
\- So, I was thinking of going to the bar down the street today after work. Watch the game, drink one or two beer. Let’s go? - She called him.  
\- Play? Beer? I'm in. - He agreed smiling.  
The two got out of the elevator and he called to her.  
\- Hey, Zapata! Thank you for saving my life yesterday. - He thanks. – I’m in debt with you.  
\- If you want to know! You owe me a beer. - The girl punched him in the arm and the two were smiling at the jobs.

\------- -------- -------

That day marked their life. Natasha didn’t expect that a beautiful friendship would emerge where both would save each other's lives for so many times that it was barely possible to count. Today looking at that day she just had to be thankful for having lived with this wonderful person who was part of such special moments in her life. And there, watching her grandson play, she said a little prayer in thanks for having had the opportunity to meet and live with that wonderful human being.


	2. Chapter 2 part 1

Late in the afternoon Natasha observed that Luca slept on the sofa in the living room. He looked like an angel. She came over and removed his sneakers and carried him to bed. The kid was heavy. How fast these kids grow up, she thought. She took him to Miguel's room as a teenager and laid him on the single bed. He stood there for a moment, watching the games and books his son used when he was younger. Today, a trained, married man, he no longer used his room. But Natasha wanted to keep it that way for her grandchildren.  
When he met Reade they were also young, passionate about life. The two were thirsty to do justice and the path they followed was precisely this, they worked for the FBI arresting bandits and terrorists. Both had ups and downs in their careers and also in their personal lives. There were times when they almost gave up on each other and on themselves as well.  
Moments of her existence came back to her, memories of a remote time where some things happened that she didn’t like to remember, but also things that were necessary for her maturity. The woman brought back memories of when she realized she was in love with Reade...  
\------ ------ ------ ------

Close of business. After a tense day Tasha arrives at the locker room and Reade is getting ready to leave. The brunette watches him as he gets his things from the closet. He's looking at himself in the mirror, adjusting his suit and tie.  
\- Hey, Reade! Are you going to game at Patterson's apartment, tonight? - Tasha asks looking at him sideways.  
\- Ah, I can’t go. - He denies turning to her. - I already have an appointment. - Reade replies with a shrug.  
\- Hum. Are you dating with a girl? - She jokes approaching and slapping him on the shoulder.  
\- Yes. I'm dating with someone. It has been a few weeks. - He claims keeping the badge and gun in his closet.  
Tasha had noticed his different behavior in the past few weeks. Reade had been refusing invitations to watch games, a bar with friends. And that only happened when he was dating a woman. She should have known.  
\- Got it. - Natasha loses her smile and is embarrassed. - Okay. So I’ll have to find a way to win alone in this game.  
\- You can. You always wins. - The smile he gave her when he said it broke it and Tasha felt her heart racing. God, what was happening to her? It had been a while since she felt anything like that.  
It had been awhile since Reade had really gotten involved with someone and Tasha already imagined that at some point he would want a woman to take her seriously. She had also tried a few times after she came to the FBI, but had found no one to make her sigh with anxiety to find him after a tiring day at work. The last one she got involved in, a football coach, was a great guy, but Tasha couldn't feel her heart racing with him, she even tried, managed to take the relationship for more time, but a few months ago it ended. She thought it better that way.  
\- Bye. - She said goodbye and left for the night.  
Tasha stayed a little late with some friends at Patterson's house and left there and was unable to return to her apartment. She knew where she would like to go. She walked through the dark night and came to the door of a clandestine casino in the suburbs of New York. The same one she had attended for a while when she was at NYPD. He went in and lost track of time playing and betting. Natasha was very excited because she was winning the games.  
There was a time that this was her refuge. When he lost Andy, her partner at the police station. That was a hard blow for the latin and she found refuge at the gaming tables. She went to rock bottom at that time. After she joined the FBI, she sought help from a support group, but had not been in meetings for months. She thought she was over that moment in her life.  
Natasha came home very drunk, it was already dawn and she wasn’t alone. She kissed another man wanting to taste Reade's mouth, had sex with a stranger wondering what sex with him would be like. She knew she had spent the night looking for Reade in someone who would never be him.  
Reade would never know how she was feeling. He was fine. She would never deserve him. Tasha found herself toxic and dirty from everything she was doing with her life. The brunette knew that being with him would not be possible and she let herself be taken and fell asleep in the arms of another.  
The next day she arrived early at SIOC and went to the gym to train. Reade arrived shortly thereafter. She looked at him quickly, but didn’t fail to notice how strong his arms were under the shirt. He was a very handsome man and took good care of his body. She also worked out and took care of herself, not least because their profession required it.  
\- Good Morning! - He said climbing on the running machine.  
\- Hello! - I didn't think you would come so soon, because you had plans for the night ... - Tasha said trying to focus on her activity on the exercise bike.  
\- Yes. But she had to go home, because she had no one to stay with her son all night. - Reade said.  
\- Ah, so she has a son. - It looked more serious than Tasha imagined. - And have you met him?  
\- No, not yet. I haven't met her family yet.  
\- But all this time, what are you waiting for? - Tasha found this attitude strange, as they had been together for weeks.  
\- It's her brother. - He said.  
\- What about him? Is him too jealous? - The brunette asked laughing.  
\- Kurt Weller.  
\- What about him?  
\- He is her brother. - He confessed.  
\- Reade! Are you crazy? - Natasha stopped the exercise she was doing and scolded him. - Dating the boss's sister?  
\- At first I didn't know and now we have been together for a while and we are planning to tell him. - He said smiling.  
\- So it's really serious. - Tasha tried not to show disappointment in her voice.  
\- Of course it is! Do you think I would beat around Kurt's sister? - He said.  
\- I don't think you will have much of a problem with Weller now that you only have eyes for Jane. - Tasha said laughing, referring to the short-haired brunette recently transferred from the Los Angeles office to New York.  
Jane was an excellent professional, spoke several languages, knew how to handle any type of weapon. Tasha thought she was a bit sinister, but she was proving to be a great person and a good field partner. And Kurt hadn't taken his eyes off her since she arrived.

The following weeks went by normally and Natasha went out at night at least three times a week and what she found were games, alcohol and sex with strangers. She knew she was destroying herself, but she still hadn't found the strength to get out of this life.  
By this time Patterson had started dating David, Weller and Jane were going out and Reade was with Sarah. He had told her that he had dined at Weller's house a few times in the past few weeks. And the brunette found herself more and more alone. What she didn't do was harm her work. She was at SIOC every day on time and did her best to do her job and was always recognized for her good performance.  
\- Tasha, are we going out for a drink today? - Reade called Tasha when they were getting ready to leave.  
\- What? Aren't you going out with Sarah? - Tasha asked suspiciously.  
\- No. - Reade just shook his shoulders.  
\- What happened? - Tasha approached him seriously. - You haven't been out with me or any of your friends in weeks.  
\- There was nothing, Tasha. - The boy answered seriously. - I only called you because I thought you weren't going to do anything.  
\- I... already have an appointment. - She answered. - It won't work today.  
Tasha wanted to go out with him. She really wanted it. But she was ruined, she owed her a little high bet and had already committed to a rematch for that night, because she felt she would win to pay what she owed. And after that, she was planning to stop playing.  
\- Tasha, I may be a little bit away for the past few weeks, but I'm realizing there's something going on with you. - Reade said sincerely, because he felt he was missing from his friend. - Are you getting out with someone? Is it? - He asked smiling.  
\- No. I'm not going out with ‘someone’. - She giggled and shook her head. - Do you think anyone would want to go out with me and take me seriously, Reade? I think not. - Tasha said sadly.  
\- Tasha, what's going on? You weren’t like this. - Reade worried about his friend. - Look, if you need to talk, I'll always be here.  
\- It's not happening anything. Thanks. - Tasha took her bag. – I gotta go.


	3. Chapter 2 part 2

Tasha plunged into the game and the drink that night. She felt destroyed inside. She felt his heart shattered by Reade being with someone and the lack of courage to talk about how she was feeling. The past few weeks had been torture for her. She was already drunk when a man approached and struck up a conversation with her. At first Tasha let him sit next to her, but as the night went on she found his conversation boring and insistent. The latin tried to free herself by leaving the table, but he took her by the arm preventing her from leaving.  
\- Get your hands off her! - Tasha heard a male voice behind her. - Don't you see that it's bothering her?  
\- Reade? - Tasha turned and saw who was there. - What are you doing here? Go away.  
Tasha was angry that Reade was there. Anger at herself for being there in this situation and anger at him for finding her. What right did he think he had to come to where she was playing and think he could do anything.  
\- Tasha, let's go. - He ordered seriously.  
\- I'm not going anywhere with you. - She angrily denied it.  
\- Oh yes you will. - Reade was furious. He held her tightly by the arm and pulled her out of the way and carried her away.  
He took her to the car, opened the passenger door and led her into the car making sure that she fastened her seat belt.  
\- You have no right, Reade! - Tasha said angrily as soon as he got in the car. - Who do you think it is to disturb my night like that?  
\- Disturb? Tasha, what I just saw didn't look like any fun. That man didn't seem like the type of man you were supposed to date. I'm sure you didn't even know him. And in her condition he could take you anywhere and even hurt you that you wouldn't even remember the other day. - He said more worried than angry.  
\- And what kind of man should I go out with? - This was a rhetorical question that even Tasha could not answer.  
Reade was very angry, he started the car and drove quietly until he got to her apartment. Tasha was also silent the entire way. She turned to the door and closed her eyes, feeling her head spin from the amount of alcohol ingested.  
Reade parked the car and opened the door for Tasha to get out. The boy took her by the arm and helped her up the stairs to her apartment. The two entered and Reade took her to the bedroom. Natasha was so drunk that she was in no condition to change clothes, so Reade just removed her coat and boots and helped her to lie down by placing a blanket over her.  
\- You know you don't have to do any of that, Reade. - Tasha said sleepily. - I know how to take care of myself very well.  
\- We will not argue with you in this state. - Said Reade getting ready to leave the room. - I'll be in the room, in case you need anything. - He no longer seemed angry with her, in fact his last words were full of affection and compassion.  
Tasha no longer had the strength to argue with him. He just closed her eyes and let her head spin until she managed to fall asleep.  
Reade decided to wait until he was sure she was okay and he could go. He sat on the sofa in her living room and watched the environment. Reade had come to her house a few times and felt it was not right to stay there. He felt himself invading her personal space. But when he called and she didn't answer he was very worried, because he had been watching her for a few days and realized that she wasn’t well.  
After a few minutes he returned to the room and realized that she was sleeping. He approached the bed and adjusted the blanket over she. - What are you doing to yourself, Tasha? - He whispered. Reade touched the brunette's cheek, who was sleeping peacefully. He always thought she was an incredible, strong and beautiful woman. His heart was so tight for her, because she seemed to be suffering, that's why she was destroying herself that way. The boy promised himself to pay more attention to his friend and be more present for her.  
Reade left the room. He turned off the lights and closed the door and returned to his apartment.

Tasha woke up in the morning and remembered flashes from the night before. She remembered the man at the casino. He stank of booze and was disgusting. She remembered Reade arriving and taking her away. Tasha was ashamed that she had been caught by him in that situation. Now the way was to take a shower and get ready to go to work. Facing Reade would be the most difficult.

When she arrived everyone was meeting in the laboratory to agree on the coordinates of the next case. Tasha and Reade just looked at each other quickly, as the brunette turned her eyes to the computer screen in an attempt to divert her attention.  
The case of the day was about some cylinders of explosive gases that were stolen from the Bradley Dynamics warehouse. Kurt and Jane went in a car and Tasha and Reade in another right behind. They were both silent and Tasha hoped he wouldn't bring it up.  
With Patterson's help through the communicators they were able to locate the cylinders in a port and arrest the thieves who were preparing them for shipment to Asia.  
Returning to SIOC Tasha was calmer after a successful case and almost forgot what happened the night before. However, the brunette was at her desk finishing the report when Reade approached.  
\- We can talk? - The boy asked.  
\- Of course. - Tasha spoke without turning to him. - Right here? - She asked.  
\- No. - He replied. - I prefer to go somewhere else.  
\- Fine. - She said getting up.  
The two went in silence to the cafe on the corner. Although the time was busy, there were few people in the place. They sat at a table in the corner and ordered an espresso for Tasha and tea for Reade. Tasha hadn't said anything since they left SIOC.  
\- Since when? - Reade spoke breaking the tension that had been installed.  
Tasha took a sip of her coffee and looked up at him for a moment before saying. - This time... - She took a deep breath. - A few weeks. - He shrugged.  
\- Has this happened before? - Reade wanted to know.  
Tasha was afraid to confess her weaknesses. But maybe he was the best person for that. He had been his friend for over a year and they talked about so many things. She felt she could trust him.  
\- When I worked at NYPD... - So she told me. All. From the start. Since Andy's death. He said how hard it was for her to lose her partner. How difficult it had been to compose himself. And she told him that she only managed to get up when she joined the FBI and found a new team.  
\- Tasha... - Reade hasn't spoken since she started telling him. – I... I don't know what to say. Why did you never tell me anything? I could help you.  
\- Look Reade, I didn't even want to tell you anything. I don't even know why I'm telling you. I never spoke because I don't think it's right to unload my problems on you. Tasha wiped an insistent tear that fell from her eye.  
\- And how did that happen again?  
\- I don’t know. Lately I was feeling alone and I started going out to bars again and when I realized I was playing again. I know it is wrong. I am destroying my life, risking losing my career. - She confessed desperately. - I'm willing to change. I got the contact from a group and tomorrow I'm going to a meeting. I also asked the man in charge of gambling to raise my debt. I am willing to negotiate. - Tasha was aware of the value, but she wasn't sure.  
\- You are right to take these actions. - Reade spoke. - You are an incredible woman and deserve an incredible future both in the FBI and in your personal life.  
\- I'm not so sure. - The latin said sadly. - But I'm willing to change. I hate myself for everything I'm doing. You can't imagine how embarrassed I am about having this conversation with you. But if you hadn't arrived yesterday I don't even know what could have happened to me.  
\- Hey. Look at me. - Reade, who was facing her at the small table, lifted the brunette's chin gently, making her look at him. Tasha winced at the contact. She only managed to dive into her friend's brown eyes. - I am here. I will always be here for whatever you need.  
\- Thanks. - Tasha murmured feeling more tears wet her face.

\------ ------ ------ ------  
Tasha was not proud to remember that part of her life, but even so, even those painful memories made her feel bittersweet. Reade helped her in so many ways, was present in so many ways. And at that time she felt that she would never be able to fully repay everything he had done for her. Remembering the two at that time brought back memories of a time, however wonderful, they lived.


	4. Chapter 3

Natasha took advantage of that Luca was in his afternoon sleep to work a little. Miguel was supposed to pick him up the next day. It was always good to have your grandchildren here, but it wasn't always possible, because of the distance and also because of Natasha's work, which required her a lot and she couldn't always be with a child around. But this weekend her parents had an appointment and she offered to take care of the boy and take the opportunity to kill him. Bia, who was Miguel's youngest, would stay with the nanny in their apartment, as Natasha found it too heavy to bring them both, and her son would not overburden her knowing that she had her own business to do.  
The brunette turned on the computer and remembered some good examples she had in her career, some of which she still mirrored today. And there was a person who scored a lot and she had him as a mentor. Mayfair. She was a strong, hardworking woman and nothing intimidated her. Since her start in the FBI, the Latina has wanted to be like her. She wanted to grow in her career and achieve a place of prominence. But some of that desire collapsed when Mayfair was killed, perhaps because of her choices, or perhaps because she had no choice. Mayfair became involved in an organization, Orion, where no one left, or stayed or died. That took on a proportion that the woman had to hide things and hide cases from her subordinates. She no longer endured this situation. When she tried to free herself, she was killed by Carter, who was the head of the organization. Mayfair left as a traitor and it took years for them to recover her name and also her honor.

\--------------- ------------------ ----------------- -

\- What? - Natasha was very frightened by what Weller had just said.  
\- That's right. His body was not found, but we found traces of a lot of blood and by expert research it was confirmed that Mayfair was killed and his body may have been disintegrated with chemicals.  
\- It's true, Tasha, I followed the results of the experts and everything is confirmed. - Patterson intervened.  
\- She's gone ... - Reade added.  
Natasha sat on the first chair she found and cried. He cried in silence. She couldn't believe that she had lost her boss, much more than her boss, her mirror, her mentor.  
All the circumstances of Mayfair's death were explained to them. Her board of directors was removed from the SIOC and she would not be entitled to a decent tax. This was worse than death and her absence. All her deeds being erased as if she had never been worth anything.  
The afternoon of that day was slow to pass and Natasha was unable to concentrate on work. She was too shocked and shaken by the news. It is true that she had also been suspicious of some Mayfair acts a few times, but the woman did not deserve to end this way.  
The latina started to think. Would that also be your destiny? Getting to do questionable things to the point of not being able to differentiate what is right and what is wrong in your work. She hoped not. Natasha knew that she had already made a lot of mistakes in her life, but she did not intend to let her profession be called into question in this way.  
\- Are you going? - Reade approached when she was going to the elevator. The boy clearly looked sad and also worried about her.  
\- Yes. - The brunette replied. - I think it's done for today.  
\- Yeah, it was a very sad and stressful day. - Reade agreed. - Do you want to do something?  
\- I ... I'm going home. Do not worry. - She answered.  
In fact Tasha intended to stop by a bar for drinks before going home, as she knew she needed to relax.  
\- Tasha ...  
\- What's it? Do not trust me?  
\- That's not it. - He shook his head. - Let's drink together.  
More than a month had passed since Reade had surprised Tasha at the gambling house. Since that day she has been steadfast, attending meetings and was not going out to bars alone, she always went with Reade or the team. She knew of her lack of control over the drink that could lead her to the game, but she had promised herself that she would not do that anymore.  
\- Fine. - She agreed and the two entered the elevator together.

The bar was a few blocks from the building and they were on foot. Talking and relaxing on the way in an attempt to break the mood of everything that happened that day. The place was poorly lit and played a jazz background making the atmosphere very cozy. The two sat at the bottom at a table in a corner and asked for draft beer, which was a lighter drink, as they didn't want to overdo it.  
The conversation flowed well and they avoided the painful subject of the day, but their thoughts turned to it all the time.  
\- Did you talk to Sarah? - She took a chance.  
"No." He shook his head.  
\- Reade ... - I saw how happy you were with her.  
Tasha had to admit that she rarely saw her friend as happy as she had in the past few months. But for a few days now she saw him sadder and then she knew that he and Sarah had broken up. The brunette could nurture her feelings for Reade, but she didn't want him to end their relationship, because she wanted to see him happy, even because she knew she would never have the courage to say anything to him.  
\- She left for Portland. Get closer to Sawyer’s father. - He counted with sadness.  
\- I'm so sorry. - Natasha put her hand on his that rested on the table and took a while looking at him.  
\- It's all right. Really. - He said.  
\- Good, because I don't want to see you crying around the corner. - She joked and the two started laughing.  
It was good to be like that, relaxed, despite all the sad events.  
\- It's getting late. I need to go. - Natasha said getting up.  
\- I'll take you. - Reade stood up too.  
\- Reade. You don't have to. - She looked at him and then understood. - Are you doing this because you think I can do some nonsense?  
She was clearly upset by this possibility. She knew her weaknesses and didn't need him to keep an eye on her.  
\- That's not it. Tasha. Wait!  
She was about to leave and he took some bills out of his wallet, left them on the table and followed her. When he arrived from outside the bar she stopped and he saw how angry she was.  
\- Reade, I don't need a babysitter. I know how to take care of myself.  
\- Tasha, it's not like that, today was very difficult and I didn't want to leave you alone. - He confessed. - And I also didn't want to be alone.  
They took a taxi to her house and remained silent the entire way. They hadn't drunk much, just a few beers, but the tiredness was apparent in both.  
\- Thank you for coming with me. - Tasha spoke in a hoarse voice of tiredness.  
\- So you're not mad? He asked with a mocking smile.  
\- And can I get mad at you? - Natasha tried, but couldn't help the smile.  
Reade pulled her into a hug and she let herself go and hugged him too. She didn't know how much she needed it until she did. She thinks he never hugged her like that and it felt so good to feel his grip on her body. Reade was your friend, your best friend. The bond that they created in the last year would last for life. They did not even know how long they remained embraced.  
When they left, Tasha had tears in her eyes. She hated feeling weak, but with everything that happened today and alcohol can also help, and now Reade there hugging her, she ended up letting her emotions speak louder.  
\- Hey. - Reade spoke when he realized that she was crying. - It's all right.  
\- Yes. That will pass, I know. - She smiled weakly.  
\- I'll go and if you need to call me. - He meant it.  
\- Fine. You too.  
Natasha went up to her apartment and tried to sleep, but that night her sleep was overturned, she had a mix of nightmares with Mayfair and in some moments of her dreams she saw Reade smiling and hugging her.

\---------------- ------------------- --------------- -  
Those were difficult times for Natasha, but when Reade promised to always be around, she believed and felt safe. This was just one of the times that she could feel the warmth of his embrace and knew that he would be there for her, always.


	5. Chapter 4 part 1

After dinner Natasha took Luca to bed and told some stories until the boy fell asleep reluctantly, as he wanted her to tell him more. The brunette had some stories in mind, but today the boy asked her to tell her about her time at the FBI and she talked about some cases in which they worked and some trips they made chasing bad guys. Her grandson sometimes asked her what it was like that time and Natasha missed her and talking about a few moments was a bit painful, so she focused on the good parts and pushed the sorrows away.  
She went to bed and picked up a book that was on her bedside to continue reading. Then he closed his eyes and returned once more to his past.

\-------- -------- ---------  
\- What are you saying, Reade? - Natasha was in the locker room listening to the boy explain the situation. - Doesn't she consider it an affair?  
\- She said Freddy's going to get slaughtered in court and he's going to be devastated.  
\- But you said he's sober.  
\- It's at the moment, but we can't guarantee it will continue until the end of the trial. Reade takes his hands to his disheartened face. What am I going to tell him?  
\- It's the truth. - Tasha advises. - It's the best thing to do.

Reade told his friend that the prosecutor had denied taking the case against Coach Jones who abused and probably had been abusing several boys for years.  
\- I knew it wouldn't come to anything anyway. Freddy replied disheartenedly. Why don't you testify? You're fine, you're influential, you'd be a reliable witness.  
\- What are you talking about, Freddy? - Reade gets confused.  
\- You were there. You don't remember what happened?  
\- What are you talking about? I don't remember what? - Reade didn't understand where his friend wanted to go.  
\- That's why you're okay, you're not in shit like me and probably like the others. You don't remember. Freddy explains. "You were one of us, one of those who were abused.  
Reade lost his floor. I didn't know what to think. How could he not remember? Was it possible that you blocked that part of your life? He didn't understand and didn't want to believe it was true. He went back to work and tried to concentrate, but Freddy's words didn't get out of his head. No sea long as he tried, he couldn't concentrate.

At the end of the day Tasha meets Reade in the locker room.  
\- Did you talk to Freddy?  
\- Yes, i'm sorry.  
\- What did he say?- She went on. - You've been airing all day...  
\- I don't want to talk about it, Tasha. - He speaks firmly.  
Tasha walks into the closets with sadness and Reade regrets the way she spoke to her. He goes to her and tells her what happened.  
\- Freddy said I was one of the victims. - He speaks and proves to be even sadder.  
\- Reade... - Tasha tries to talk to try to comfort her friend. - I' I'm sorry.  
They just hug each other and allow tears to flow from their eyes. There were no words for that moment. Nothing Tasha said would make the moment better for his friend, so he just hugged him making him realize he was with him and that it wouldn't change in any situation.  
The days that followed did not seem easy for Reade, Tasha perceived him crested and inattentive in many situations. The brunette would do anything to be around and let him know she'd be there and wouldn't leave him, as much as he thought it was an exaggeration on her part.  
She heard that Reade was talking to Borden, the FBI therapist. I'm sure it was the best thing to do, to get help from a professional. She knew from experience that it was very difficult to get out of a situation like this on her own.

\- Reade, I'm just saying it's not your fault. - Tasha talked to Reade during work. - You don't owe him anything.  
\- He just needed a couch and I have one. - Reade justified it. - He had a fight with his girlfriend. One day it won't hurt.  
\- You know it won't just be a day!  
Reade had let Freddy stay at his house for a while according to him. Tasha knew that Reade felt guilty about not being able to bring the Jones case to trial. This wasn't Reade's fault, the only one to blame for all this was Jones.  
In a chase during a case, Reade almost killed a guy with punches. The brunette was extremely nervous and violent in recent days and everyone was watching him, including Weller who even talked to the boy offering him a few days to rest and try to cool his head.   
\- You don't have to, Kurt. I'm fine, i'm fine. - Reade denied it.  
\- I'm going to believe you this time!  
But the lack of that memory disturbed Reade in a way that made Natasha care even more about her friend. The brunette found herself entitled to interfere, because she knew that this situation was not doing him any good.  
\- Freddy, right? - She said when she knocked on Reade's door and was attended to by the boy's friend who was staying there.  
\- Do I know you? - He asked suspiciously as she entered the apartment.  
\- I'm Reade's partner. Is he here?  
\- He hasn't been back all day. The boy answered.  
\- Are you having a party? – The brunette asked when she saw a jar of a white powder with part of the contents poured on the coffee table of the room.  
\- I'm just saying good-bye to some friends. Freddy said.  
That situation made Natasha feel so angry. With everything Reade had been going through, he offered to host his friend at home and she sees him getting one of these ready.  
\- I know you've been through a lot, but this moment is already being hard enough for Reade too. The girl tried to stay calm. "Maybe you'd better try to solve your problems elsewhere.  
\- It's not a problem. - Freddy got the message and collected all his things that were scattered around the room. Before he left, he went to Tasha. Say goodbye to him for me.  
The brunette stayed there for a moment. The truth is, she had come after Reade because he had left work early and she was worried. She didn't know what else to do to help him, but she felt a little relieved to have thrown Freddy out of his house.

The next day Reade did not show up for work and talking to Weller explained that he had allowed him to stay home for a few days. In the middle of the afternoon the strange brunette when she gets a call.  
\- This is Josh. - The boy on the other end of the line was a friend of yours from the time he had worked at the NYPD. – They filed a complaint against their partner. He was harassing a Mike Jones guy in Brooklyn Heights this morning. But he left the scene before the police arrived. I just wanted to let you know.  
\- I'm going to take care of it. - Natasha said. - Thank you.  
\- Not at all.  
She tried to talk to Reade again, but only voice mail. He left a message and hung up the phone. What was Reade thinking? That's not how I'd get justice for what Jones had done.  
\- Weller. - She called her superior in the hall. - I have a personal problem to solve.  
He allowed her to go, because there were other people to take care of the case they were working on. Natasha went out to try to find Reade, but by the time she got to the scene it was already getting dark.  
She was able to locate her friend through the GPS that led her to Jones' house. The house lights were off and the door just anchored. Natasha pulled out her gun and pushed the door slowly. The room was dark and she didn't see anything there. He spotted a door that gave way to the remaining rooms of the house and came in suspiciously. What wasn't his scare to see Jones lying on the floor all bloody. And in front of him Reade was still watching the scene.  
\- Reade... - She spoke in a voice thread. Reade! What happened?  
It wasn't me. I was in the basement and I saw a noise, i went up here and found it like this. "He spoke confusedly. "We have to ask for help.  
\- No. - Tasha changes her voice when speaking. You and Jones have a past. You were chasing him, you broke into his house.  
\- I didn't kill him!  
\- He's standing next to the corpse with gloves on his hands and blood on his shoes. - Tasha explained quickly. - There have been innocent people who have been arrested for much less.  
Tasha just wanted to get his friend out of that situation. It didn't matter what the explanation for what had happened was. She knew they should get out of there. They see through the window a car stopping in front of the house.  
\- It's neighborhood security. We have to get out of here. - Tasha warns. - Did you touch anything?  
\- I don't think so.  
\- Did you get anything out of the place?  
\- No.  
Tasha looks at him with rebuke over that whole situation. Reade has wide eyes in concern for what just happened.  
\- Wait, Zapata! - He calls her. - That's crazy! We're fBl! That must be worth something. - He tries to explain.  
\- Reade. - She holds him by the collar looking him in the eyes very close. - I'm your friend. I believe in you. Will anyone else believe it?  
Reade looked at her and was silent. Then he looked at the ground where Jones' body lay and thought for a moment of all that madness. He knew Zapata was right. No one would believe him!  
The two of them left there through the back door and ran to where Reade's car was parked. They got in the car in a hurry with Tasha in the driver's seat, because she knew Reade couldn't act and she'd act for him and get him out of this terrible situation.  
\- The tape! - The boy spoke desperately as soon as she turned on the car. - I left it on the VCR. I need to get it.  
\- No. - The guards are in the house! What's that tape? - She was screaming. - What were you doing at Jones' house?  
\- I was looking for... - He explained calmly. I needed evidence against the abuse. I found the tape with the boys' names. They looked like training tapes, but they were hidden in a fake wall. I'm going to go get it. - Reade put his hand on the door handle and Tasha stopped him. - One of them had my name.  
\- Did you watch it? - She asked while still holding his arm.  
\- No, I wanted to, but I couldn't... - Reade seemed very shaken. - I heard a loud noise. The killer must have run away when he heard me.  
\- And now there's a tape with your name on the VCR. - Tasha spoke calmly. If the police find out, they'il know you were in the house. It wouldn't matter if you weren't there, but you were.  
Natasha started with the car and they left the place towards Reade's apartment.   
\- We have to get rid of these clothes. Who knows what we're in touch with?  
The brunette suggested as she removed her own clothes and put it in a plastic bag. Reade did the same thing with his clothes.   
Why is there a knife missing? She asked when she realized that there was an empty space in the knife holder that was on the counter of Reade's kitchen.  
\- She broke it and I threw it away. - He explained.  
\- You never replaced it? - Natasha wanted to believe him, but it was getting hard.  
\- I order ready food, Zapata. Why do I need 13 knives? - He explains.  
Tasha thinks for a moment and knows that she must put aside the mistrust and try a way to get him out of the situation he was in.  
\- I know how to get the tape back. She talks. We came in as being the FBl.  
\- But that wouldn't be a good explanation.  
\- Do you have a better idea? - She challenges him.  
\- Yes, the truth.   
\- No. We can't do that. The police will start with the body. You have no reason to look at the VCR. We can put the tape in place before they know it's missing. We just have to wait for the crime scene to become official.  
\- What do we do until then? - Reade asked with a lost look.  
\- We put our clothes on, we sleep and we go to work normally.  
It seemed very simple to hear her speak, but Reade knew it was nothing simple. He was confused, his thoughts disturbed him. He didn't know what to do with all that. The luck was that Tasha had arrived at that moment, or he would certainly already be in jail.  
\- Tasha. - He spoke when they returned after burning their clothes in an abandoned place nearby.  
\- What's the out of here?   
\- Would you mind staying here today? - He asked for speaking low.  
Tasha thought about playing a joke, but she knew it wasn't the time. He just walked into the apartment with him. It's all right. I'm staying. She smiled faintly.  
That wasn't a normal night like the ones they watched games and drank. Everything they did was silent. Tasha took a bath first while Reade prepared something to eat. Then it was Reade's turn to take a bath. He came back from the bathroom only in sweatpants and no t-shirt. Tasha can't help but notice how strong he was. Earlier while they were changing after what happened she didn't have time and no head for it. But now that they seemed calmer she observed him better. When she realized he was looking at her, she swallowed it dry and looked away trying to think of other things.  
The two dined and kept the TV on a news channel, but the volume was so low that neither paid attention. Tasha wanted to be by his side all the time, but this situation was somewhat strange and unusual.  
\- I'm going to get you sheets and blankets. - He said after collecting the dishes after dinner.  
Reade brought soft sheets that bore the same smell as him. She set the couch to bed.  
\- I'm going to go. - Reade said staring at her.  
\- No, i'm not. - She smiled. - We're here for each other. Always. - She emphasized that last word and saw him smile.  
Natasha went to sleep but couldn't nail her eye. The memories of the events of the day did not come out of his mind. And then there was this damn pillow that bore Reade's smell and she'd close her eyes and visualize it shirtless in front of her.  
The brunette did not know if he had slept or if he was also going over the whole situation in his head. She wanted to ask him to sit with her on the couch and watch something because his head should also be at a thousand an hour, but she tried to ward off those thoughts and it was too late when she fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 5

Natasha woke up with sunlight entering through the crack in the curtain. It was after eight thirty and Luca still hadn't called her. This was new, as the man usually woke up very early. She picked up her phone on the nightstand and checked the messages. One of them made her smile. There were also some messages about work and messages from Miguel saying that he would spend the afternoon picking up his son.  
He got up and passed the room where the man slept and he shifted on the bed when he realized his grandmother was there. He sat on the bed and looked beautiful with his curly hair all messed up and his sleepy face. She remembered when Miguel was small and filled the house with joy.  
\- Good morning my love! - She said smiling at him.  
\- Good morning grandma. - The man responded by extending his arms when she approached.  
Natasha thought it was so sweet to be called grandma. There was a time when she didn't think about being a mother, and whenever someone talked about it she pushed the idea away. Now I couldn't imagine what your life would have been like without it. Without having the chance to have a heart out of the chest, because that was how it felt.  
\- Shall we prepare breakfast? - He took the little man by the hand and went to the kitchen talking about what they would prepare for coffee.

\------ ------ ------

Some years ago  
The days passed and Natasha learned that Freddy was gone before the investigations reached him. She imagined that Reade had a part in her disappearance, but when she questioned her friend he denied it as expected. The latina let it go, because she thought it might be better this way.  
The week was troubled and the case they were working on was leading to nothing concrete, but a clue that Patterson got took them to a farm that was being used by terrorists to build bombs and other types of chemical weapons. The number of agents who went to the place was very large and only when they entered the place did they realize the trap. There was an explosion and they tried to escape. Natasha and Reade separated during the invasion of the site together with other agents.  
The explosion was very large, destroying much of the site and isolating the entrances due to the amount of debris generated. Weller was not at the scene at the time of the explosion and was warned by Patterson and went to the scene immediately. There were several bodies scattered among the rubble and he found Tasha lying.  
\- Tasha, are you okay? Weller asked, helping her to her feet. The brunette was dizzy and with some injuries, but they didn't seem serious.  
\- Yes, - she replied, settling down. - We were alerted, so we made it out.  
\- Do you remember where the others are? - Weller asked, visibly shocked by the situation.  
The latina just shook her head. Soon the help arrived and the measures for the rescue of those affected began. Natasha was impatient with no news from Reade, but she knew there was nothing she could do but let the rescue team work.  
After hours of working Reade was found along with other wounded. They had a little trouble getting it out of the rubble, the gas that had leaked out of the pipes was about to explode. There was debris crushing the agent's leg and he had lost a lot of blood. Rescuers managed to remove him from the scene and when he was being placed on the stretcher to be taken to the ambulance Tasha saw him.  
\- Reade! Reade! - The latina screamed. - Don't do this to me, Reade! - She approached him crying hysterically at the possibility of losing him.  
Natasha accompanied him in the ambulance to the hospital where he would be seen. When they arrived the doctor examined him and he was placed in a waiting room until they picked him up for the surgery that would be done on his leg.  
\- Reade, can you hear me? - Tasha spoke standing next to the hospital bed.  
There was an oxygen mask on the agent's face and several tubes and wires attached to his body. Natasha was very scared to see him like this and suffered from the possibility of losing him.  
\- Hi ... - He answered in a small voice.  
\- Hold tight. They are preparing for surgery. - The brunette tried to comfort him. - You lost a lot of blood, but you'll be fine.  
Reade was very tired and his eyes watered. - I love you so much. Did you know that? - He said removing the oxygen mask and looking her in the eyes.  
Natasha could not deny the shock she took with that statement, but she knew that he should not be very aware of what he was talking about due to the explosion and the loss of blood. But the way he looked at her filled his heart. She loved him so much that she just wanted to be able to hug him at that moment and say the obvious, that she loved him too. But she wouldn't do that.  
\- I have to tell you something. - Reade continued. - I didn't kill Jones.  
\- Reade, I know that. - She tried to comfort him.  
\- But I didn't save him either. - The man continued.  
\- You couldn't have done anything.  
\- Yes, I could. - He disagreed with her.  
\- What are you talking about? - Tasha wanted to know.  
\- I was in the basement trying to get ready to watch the damn tape. - He cried while I told him. It was not possible to differentiate whether the crying was due to the pain or the confession he made to her. - I heard something up there and went to take a look. Jones was there, lying on the floor bleeding. He asked for my help and I just stood there watching him choke on his own blood. He blew out a breath. - I stood there watching him die, Tasha! Reade paused before continuing. - The autopsy set the chronology, and so did you. I lied to you. - He looked at her with regret for not having told her before. - Excuse me.  
\- It's okay, Reade. - The latina who was crying also comforted him.  
Tasha gently put the mask back on his face and remained seated beside him until the medical team came to pick him up. It didn't matter anymore, she knew it wasn't him and she didn't blame him either for not calling for help. After years in the police and the FBI, she knew what it was like for a victim to feel hatred for something that was done to her. And Jones was a wretch who deserved what he got.  
Many agents died in that explosion. It was the same day that they discovered that Borden was a spy within the FBI and that he had shot Patterson when she confronted him. At the end of the day Tasha came home very tired. He called the hospital and learned that Reade was asleep after the surgery and that it would be useless to visit him, so he left to go the next day.

That night was troubled and she did not eat well and hardly slept. He got up early and got ready to go to the hospital. Reade rested so serene. It was so good to see him well, his heart was filled with relief. She didn't know if she would survive if she lost it.  
\- Hey, how are you feeling? She asked when she saw him wake up. - The doctor said it went well.  
\- I am fine. I'm fine. - He seemed very light and his words were somewhat disconnected. - I'm great.  
\- I think he's on morphine. - Tasha laughed.  
\- Are you going to be a spinster? - Reade joked when he saw that she held his hand.  
\- Oh cut this one! - She was embarrassed and let go of his hand.  
\- It's cold to hit patients in the hospital, Tasha. - He still wasn't sure what he was saying and Tasha figured he didn't remember what he had said the day before the surgery.  
\- I was worried about you. - She said more seriously now.  
\- Thanks for being here for me. - Reade thanked her with affection.  
After making sure he was fine and would soon be home, Natasha went to SIOC. They worked all day investigating the events of the previous day and looking for a way to end the terrorist organization that had done that. The damage had been great and left a hole in the FBI and many families. Tasha couldn't imagine how the victims' relatives were doing. Therefore, all efforts would be put into this operation.

\- You should lift your leg. - She was at Reade's house after work. He had come earlier with a friend, as he could not drive for a few days.  
\- You need to stop picking on me. I'm fine. - For him she was acting like a nanny, but she just wanted to make sure he was okay, that he felt comfortable.  
\- Hey, macho man! Lift your leg. - Tasha took a pillow to place under the newly operated leg that rested on the coffee table.  
\- You would be a terrible nurse. - He said annoyed, but letting her put the pillow.  
\- You are hungry? - She sat on the coffee table and was very close to him.  
\- I can make my noodles. - He replied like a stubborn child.  
\- OK. Sit back and relax. - She wanted to take care of him, just today. Tasha only intended to leave after she made sure he had eaten and was comfortable. If necessary, I would spend the night there so as not to leave him alone. - Lift your leg, please ...  
Reade was already very close and stared at her causing the girl to stop talking and look at him too. His brown eyes held her for a moment and when she realized he had moved closer and placed his lips on hers. Tasha didn't react for a moment until she realized that this was all she wanted most. Then the brunette let herself go. His lips were soft and warm. She rested her right hand on the man's neck as he pulled her by the scruff of the neck and brought her closer. Her lips worked in sync and everything looked so sweet and perfect until a thread of sanity lit up inside her that interrupted what they were doing.  
\- What are you doing, Reade? - She asked still a little confused by the kiss and already sorry for interrupting.  
\- What it looks like. - They were still very close.  
\- You're my best friend...  
\- Exactly. You know me more than anyone. - He tried to explain, because he didn't want to let it look like a misunderstanding. - It makes sense, Tasha.  
\- Friends, Reade. That's what we are. - Tasha stood up, still confused. - I'm leaving.  
She left behind a sad and disappointed man, and also regretted for taking this action. As she went down the stairs, the Latina realized what she had done and knew she had ruined everything. But she didn't want to afford to destroy what they had. Reade was her best friend and always had been, and she loved him more than anything. And if they later realized that they were wrong and failed to restore their friendship. Tasha couldn't stand it.

\-------- -------- --------  
As she washed the coffee and watched Luca playing in the yard, she allowed herself to remember that kiss. It was their first kiss. So sweet, so pure. Tasha was so scared and pushed him away. Today she couldn't say for sure if she regretted what she did. Reade was everything to her and thinking about the possibility of losing him by taking a wrong step seemed unbearable at that moment. But the good thing is that life always gives us new chances, just open up and let yourself go.  
She was interrupted from her thoughts by the ring of the phone.


	7. Chapter 6

\- Hey, Luca! - She called the man who watched TV. - Shall we play in the park?  
\- We will! - The man agreed getting up. - And then can we have an ice cream?  
\- Of course! You behaved well these days and deserve a two-ball ice cream. - The brunette said stroking the man's hair. - And your father will pick you up this afternoon.  
\- Yay! - The man said jumping with joy.  
\- Ah, you mean you don't like being here with me? - Natasha joked.  
\- Yes I like. - Luca showed regret for what he said.  
\- Look, my love. I'm kidding. - Natasha bent down to the man's height. - Of course you miss your parents, and your little sister. - She touched her grandson's face and placed a kiss on his cheek.

\-------- -------- --------  
Tasha had not seen Reade in two weeks. She hadn't known what to think about the two since he kissed her and she said they were just friends. Still, she thought she had done the right thing, as it would not be a moment of confusion that would spoil what they had.  
All these days she missed Reade, missed his company at the table next to her, missed him on the field giving him cover, missed him criticizing his bad mood in the morning. God, how he was missing.  
Tasha didn't have the courage to call or go to see him in those two weeks, she felt bad about what had happened. She was aware that she had encouraged him when he kissed her. She liked the kiss, she couldn't deny it, but she also wouldn't admit it to him. I didn't know if I would ever be ready for this. Whether she would be ready to admit what she felt. Reade had been her friend for a long time and inside her he was much more than that and she would never lose him. She would not let her feelings spoil what they had.  
That morning Reade was at his desk when she saw him. He looked at her and her heart raced and the brunette couldn't contain the smile of satisfaction that formed on her face. How she had missed her partner!  
\- Hi! - She said approaching.  
\- Hi.  
\- It's all right? - Tasha asked blandly.  
\- Okay. I'm a lot better. - Reade was referring to the leg. - What did I miss while I was away?  
\- Nothing more. - Tasha informed him. - Borden is a spy. And, they got that rat out of the closet.  
\- Did you get my man, Whitey Bulger?  
Reade tried to joke, but he was also dismayed after everything that happened.  
\- Tasha ... I was medicated and confused ... - He explained.  
\- Then that's it. - The brunette was clearly disappointed to hear that, but maybe it was for the best. - I know. Are we all right, then?  
\- A hundred per cent. - He said giving her a smile. - I'm going to see Patterson.  
\- And I'll look at these files.

It was good to have Reade again at SIOC. They worked all day, went to the field and at the end of the day they were in the elevator going.  
\- Let's drink something. - Tasha wanted to break the boring atmosphere that had settled between them.  
\- It's my first day, I'm tired.  
\- Let's drink something. - She repeated.  
\- It's ok. Just a beer. - Reade always gave in to Tasha's requests. She had this gift about him and apparently that hadn't changed.  
\- Just don't hit me afterwards. - The brunette joked and received a reproachful look at her comment.  
\- Excuse me. - Tasha said after settling in at the bar and ordering the first beer. - I didn't mean to embarrass you. You just caught me off guard. Your face approaching ...  
\- I was there. We don't need to go into details. - Reade joked trying to hide his embarrassment. - We really don't need it.  
Tasha laughed while drinking. They were having fun, though.  
\- You think you're the only funny one, don't you? - Reade smiled between sips. - You're not even my type.  
\- Too smart or too classy? - The brunette pretended seriousness.  
\- Classy? Oh really? - Tasha really didn't think she had much class. He screamed watching games, drank pure whiskey, drank beer straight from the bottle, among other things that could be listed. - Bring me a double, please. - Reade addressed the attendant. - Tasha, everything that happened recently. Jones, Akkadian, the hunt for terrorists ... my head stayed ... is that ...  
\- Accepted apologies. - She raised her hands showing that everything was fine.  
Tasha knew that this was not what she wanted to hear. She wanted him to say that it was not the fault of the drugs or the confusion of events. The latina wanted him to say that he kissed her because he wanted to, because he had feelings for her. And she also meant that she liked the kiss and wanted to try it again. But I knew it would never be like that. She was just a friend to him and he wasn't even his type.  
\- Really. Now, let's not talk about it again. - The brunette asked.  
\- I agree. - Reade said without taking his eyes off the brunette in front of him.  
\- Right. - The two looked at each other while emptying the contents of their glasses. - I think someone's watching you. - Tasha showed a blonde woman seated at the front.  
\- And you're not lying. - Reade agreed looking back.  
\- Now, are you closing already? - He spoke when he saw Tasha get up and get her things to go.  
\- Yes, I lost the habit of having you around. Double the work. - The brunette joked trying to look serious. - You'll be fine?  
\- Yes, Tasha. I am strong and can take care of myself.  
Natasha got up and walked over to where the blonde woman was sitting. - He's all yours. - He went to her and went to the exit door of the bar.  
While putting on her coat she allowed herself to look where she was before and the woman was already taking the seat next to Reade. Tasha left hating herself for what she had just done, but she knew it was too late and it was certainly for the best. Drowning out her feelings was what she had been used to doing since she was very young.

The days went by and Tasha went to work, taking a step back from her feelings about Reade. A few days later the man told him that Freddy's ex-girlfriend had come to him and Tasha realized that Reade felt guilty about what had happened to his friend and tried to reassure him by saying that none of this was his fault and that he should forget about it.

Natasha started to notice Reade's delays, other days he didn't show up at the gym before work, and it was something they always did together. Something was going on, but I still didn't know what. She tried to advise her friend to seek professional help, as everything that had happened had moved him too much and would not be erased overnight. The brunette knew what it was like to try to get out of something like this alone. While he did not seek help for his gambling addiction he was unable to break free.

\- Reade. - Tasha addressed him when she saw him taking things to leave work. - I'm sorry if I'm picking on you. I just want to make sure that you're okay.  
\- I appreciate your concern. Really. - The man said sincerely. - For the first time I feel like I can breathe, have fun.  
\- Who is she? - Tasha smiled imagining that there was a woman in the play.  
\- There's nothing like that, Tasha.  
\- It's good not to screw this one too. - Her heart ached when she said that to him, but really she wanted to see him happy. - I'm serious. You deserve to be happy. Don't let anything get in the way.  
\- It's ok. - He smiled in thanks.  
\- See you tomorrow. - The brunette said goodbye and left.

Every day Reade seemed more strange to Tasha, always aerial, distracted even in the field, lying a few times too. It left her and the team in danger several times. After the day she advised him to be happy, she decided not to say anything more and put that matter aside.  
They talked banalities one morning after leaving the gym.  
\- Agents Reade and Zapata! - Briana came up behind them calling them. - It's your lucky day.  
\- Is there hot water in the shower? - Reade made a joke.  
\- Will we have self-service in the cafeteria? - Tasha joined in the game too.  
\- Almost. - The woman spoke. - They were chosen for the random toxicological examination.  
\- I don't think you know the meaning of luck. - Tasha complained.  
\- It will only take a few minutes. - Briana spoke again.  
\- Can't you tell us about it? - The brunette spoke with irony.  
\- I don't think you know the meaning of random. - The woman left with Tasha in pursuit when she realized that Reade was not coming after them. - Agent Reade.  
\- I'm feeling something strange. A stomachache. - The agent lied.  
\- You can’t leave sight until the collection is complete. - Briana warned him.  
\- Really. I need to go home ... - He spoke again.  
\- Excuse. It's FBI policy. - The woman explained.  
Reade gave in under the confused look of Tasha, who was unable to explain precisely what had just happened there.  
\- What was that thing about saying you had to go home? - Tasha asked while waiting to be called to collect the exam  
\- I'm not even feeling well. - Reade stated.  
\- I told you not to drink that last whiskey yesterday. - She was referring to the drinks night they had at Weller's house the day before. - You drink like a preteen. - Tasha saw him crestfallen. - Are you worried about getting caught? I know you like those grass cakes.  
\- Yes. - He confirmed trying to end that conversation.  
\- Agent Edgar Reade! You're next. - The nurse called.  
Tasha saw him go to the collection room and still very confused by all that talk.  
\- What is? Marijuana, amphetamine? - She pressed him as soon as they left the exam room.  
\- No. Cocaine. - Reade confessed.  
\- Cocaine, Reade? - She asked, disappointed.  
\- It's only been a few times, Tasha. I was just relaxing. - The man tried to justify himself.  
\- Relaxing is having a beer. This is a heavy thing. - The friend scolded him.  
\- It's not that serious!  
\- Isn't it serious? You are about to get caught in the FBI's anti-doping! - She spoke loudly. - And you think it's not serious?  
\- Do you want to speak louder? - He said quietly.  
\- You must tell Weller. I'm serious. - Reade shook his head. - He better hear from you than someone from HR.  
\- He's going to go crazy. - Reade was talking about Weller's reaction.  
\- No. He knows what you went through. - He won't be heavy. - Tasha tried to embarrass him. - We are a family.  
\- That's what people say. He's my boss and he'll have to tell his boss.  
\- And what is the other option? - The brunette comforted him.  
\- She leaves the body between twenty-four and forty-eight hours. - Reade explained.  
\- When was the last time you used it? Tasha asked.  
\- Yesterday morning.  
\- In the morning? Tasha raised a hand to her face, clearly concerned for him. - So you're still on time.  
\- Yes.  
They were interrupted by a call from Patterson  
\- Let's change. And talk to Weller, please!  
\- I received my results, and you? - Tasha asked Reade before they left.  
\- Negative. I think I was lucky. - He said relieved.  
\- Luck? This was something serious. - She scolded him. - No matter the outcome, you must solve this problem.  
\- It was a two-day spree. It's over. - He stated.  
\- The drug may have run out, but not the reason for using it.  
\- Jones is dead. Freddy is gone. I can throw the drug away.  
\- Reade...  
\- Thank you for everything you've done for me. Really, you know. That was a warning, I'll be fine.  
\- Talk to Weller and take a break. Seek help.  
\- I don't need help, Tasha. - Reade refused to admit that he was in trouble.  
\- I say this from the bottom of my heart. - She spoke clearly annoyed. - You will talk to Weller or I will do it.  
\- You won't do that! - By his expression Tasha showed him that he would do it if necessary. - You are my best friend.  
\- That's exactly why I'll do it.  
Tasha left with her eyes burning with tears. She hated being in this situation, but Reade did not accept help leaving her with no options.  
That night the brunette went to Weller's house and told him about Reade. Her heart ached for having to do this, but she wanted to help him. The brunette knew that if he continued this and did not seek help, he would sink every time.

The next day Weller called him to talk and Tasha saw when Reade left the boss's room angrily. She knew that the conversation had not gone well. Weller probably said something that Reade didn't like.  
\- Reade... - She tried to talk to him as soon as she left the chief's office.  
\- Go to hell! - He turned his back on her and left SIOC.  
Natasha did not know if she regretted what she did, as she ended up pushing her friend further away and that was not her intention. She only wanted to help him, but once again she had put her feet in her hands.  
When she was leaving she reached for her cell phone to try to talk to him, but she didn't know what to say and she also didn't know how she would be received, so she gave up and left, deciding to give her time.

\-------- -------- --------

Their past had these dark parts that brought a lot of pain to his chest. Seeing Edgar in that situation and trying to help him in vain were moments that made her feel worthless, helpless.  
\- Grandmother! You are crying? - Luca asked approaching her who was sitting on the park bench while the man played with the other children.  
\- No my love. - She denied it. - I think it was a speck that came to my eye with the wind.


	8. Chapter 7

Natasha finished packing Luca to give it to her parents. The man was excited to leave, but he also looked very tired, as the two had an intense day, the games, the walks, had a lot of fun and now it was time to let him go. The grandmother was sure that she would miss the man, as she knew it would take time to find him again, due to her work that would start again the next day.  
Those days with her grandson brought back memories of times gone by. And there was one of those moments when pain, suffering and desire were mixed and some limits were exceeded.

\-------- -------- --------

That day was tense. Tasha has been worried all day. She called Reade several times, left several messages in her mailbox, but got no response. Tasha even stopped by her friend's house in the morning before going to work, but there was no one in the house. She knew that, as she deactivated the alarm and entered. The bed was made and there was no sign that he had spent the night there, which made her worry even more.  
She had to go to work. I couldn't spend all day looking for Reade. She knew she wasn't his nanny, but in the situation he was in, he needed someone by his side to show him what to do and not let him stray from the path. Gosh, she loved him! And Reade is her best friend and she needed him. Tasha allowed herself to go to the bathroom and cry before leaving for the field. She just hoped that no one would notice. The brunette didn't like to look weak, especially for her team. He wiped his face and left.  
The case was complicated, involving adopted children. It was a little complicated, there were loose ends everywhere. A sixteen-year-old girl threw herself out of the window on the second floor of the house where they lived. Take your own life. Something that people generally want to protect. It took them a long time to get answers, it took all day. Reade did not leave his head. Tasha was afraid.  
She called him again before leaving. He answered. Oh gosh! How relieved she was. He seemed to be fine after all, although his voice said otherwise. She knew she needed to see him, make sure he was really well. And he asked her to go there, said he needed her.  
\- Hi. - Reade had bruises all over his face and was very dejected. Tasha did not want to ask what had happened. She wouldn't ask, she just wanted to be there with him.  
\- Hi. - He greeted her weakly. - Thank you for coming. - He said as they entered the apartment.  
\- Thank you for returning to me. - She wouldn't tell him how upset she was all day. She would not say that she had passed there in the morning and entered her space without permission.  
He pulled her to him and hugged her. How good it was to be with him again. His hug was tight and warm. Her arms were strong and wrapped around her, bringing her body heat to her. She loved him very much and would not ask questions. I just wanted to be with him.  
They let go of the hug and Reade took the ribbon. That same tape she pulled out of the basement VCR at Jones' house. - Are you sure? - She knew how painful it must have been for him to make that decision. And yet he asked her to be with him at that moment.  
\- No. But what I have done is not working. - It was true that Reade's involvement with drugs was a consequence of all the discoveries he made in recent months. This was a ghost he needed to break free from. And she would go through this with him if he wanted to. - I'm tired of pretending it's okay. I need to know what happened to be able to get on with my life.  
\- Reade, what happened will never change the person you are. - Tasha said as he sat beside her on the couch. - You are the man you chose to be. An FBI agent who fights for justice. An incredible friend who has always been by my side. - She looked at him so deeply that she may have moved him even in this difficult situation.  
Reade just shook his head in agreement with her. The man took the control that was on the coffee table and turned on the video. Tasha took his hand and linked her fingers in his. He was shaking and she held him tightly. Those minutes were torture. Perhaps some of the worst moments they've spent together in all the time they've known each other. But she was standing right next to him. His eyes froze on the screen, just like him. It was hard to believe that cruel people like Jones existed in the world. Able to take advantage of innocent children. Several children. In her time with the police and the FBI, she had seen many things, but nothing so close to her that way. That was cruel, it was horrible.  
The video ended and there was only a blue screen, but neither of them found the strength to hang up. They had been paralyzed for fifteen minutes, hands clasped, tears streaming down their faces. After the moments of trance, Tasha took the remote control and turned off the device.  
She knelt on the sofa next to Reade and stayed close to him. With the tips of his fingers he wiped away the tears that were streaming down his friend's face. Tasha kissed him long on the cheek and closed her eyes to enjoy the moment of closeness. They were very close and their breaths were mixed. The brunette stepped away for a moment and looked him in the eye, she didn't know what she saw, if it was pain, sadness, or what else, so she pressed her lips to his, very lightly and wrapped her hands around his neck . She pulled away again and looked at him for a reaction and felt Reade holding her by the waist and pulling her closer. They were facing each other, their bodies pressed together and their lips came together again, this time they collided hard and their bodies tried to stay even closer, closer together. Tasha put her hand under Reade's shirt, because she wanted to feel the warmth of his skin and he hurried to remove the shirt. Then she touched his chest, as she wanted to do so many times, touched it with her whole hands while their mouths were together and their tongues met.  
Neither of them was perfectly aware of what they were doing, they just didn't want to stop. Words were not accurate, just touches, kisses and looks. What they were doing was more of a way to vent their frustrations than an act of love. Tasha kissed him on the neck and inhaled his scent, soap, perfume and aftershave mixed and it was pleasant. Reade let her touch him and kiss his body, but he also wanted to feel her and unbuttoned the brunette's blouse leaving her with only the black bra. The man put his hand on the bra and she moaned softly at the touch, she wanted more, she wanted his mouth on her body and Reade seemed to understand the request, removed her bra and took her mouth on her breasts. The man alternated strokes with his hand and mouth on both breasts of the brunette who squirmed in his lap.  
Reade got up with Tasha on his lap and carried her to his bed. The two talked with the look. Silent requests hung in the room. Breathless breaths, burning kisses. Both were naked and Tasha positioned her body over Reade's and kissed the man's body. The woman's mouth stopped on her chest and traced the path between one breast and the other, taking light bites on her nipples. When his mouth reached him on the abdomen, Reade was thirsty and couldn't bear to wait long. He pulled her on top of him and kissed her hard with an impulse shifting their bodies. Tasha wrapped her legs around the man's hip and felt him fill slowly. She held her breath until she felt it completely. Not even in her biggest dreams would Tasha imagine the intensity of that moment. Their bodies were synchronized.  
In desperation for control Tasha made him lie down and got on top of him. She was working on it and in a few minutes she felt herself shiver and let out a loud moan of satisfaction. Reade responded in kind and also gave himself up. The brunette collapsed on him while they waited for their breaths to calm down. No one would explain what was going on in that apartment. Just two friends who needed each other like never before. It was just the two of them comforting and calming themselves.  
Everything that was happening was of crazy intensity and they found that comfort in each other. Everything Reade went through had brought them here. Until that night. Only two friends who gave themselves up and now slept hugging each other. And no matter what happened from that moment on, one thing was certain, neither of them would ever regret what they did.

\-------- -------- --------

Tasha finished taking a shower and went down to the living room. He was waiting for her with dinner ready. The man arrived just before Miguel picked up Luca. She missed him so much. They were several days away from each other. She hugged him from behind and he turned, pulling her to him and giving him an intense kiss.


	9. Chapter 8

Natasha was lying on his chest after making love. It was so good to have him back after more than a week. She never needed a man to defend her, but knowing that he was at her side gave her double security. He had already fallen asleep, but she still allowed herself to stay awake for a while thinking about her life. In everything that brought her to this day.  
\-------- -------- --------  
\- Are you already going? - Reade asks when he sees her dressed sitting on the edge of the bed putting on her boots.  
\- Yes. - She confirmed. - I took a towel from the closet and took a shower. - Tasha said as she continued getting ready.  
\- You can use whatever you need, you know. - He replied sitting on the bed with the sheets covering only from the waist down. She glanced over and couldn't help but notice how calmer he was than when she arrived the night before.  
While taking a shower Tasha went over all the events. Watching the video was terrible. By far one of the worst experiences of his life, but if Reade needed her for this moment she would be with him. And after the tape ended it all happened very fast. Tasha couldn't say what happened to her to do that. Today thinking about what he did, he was sure that the moment was not right, and he would still have to deal with the consequences. She knew she induced Reade, because he wasn't thinking straight due to everything that was going on. Not that she thought he didn't want to, but they were friends and she had made that clear herself when he kissed her.  
\- I'll prepare breakfast for us. - Reade got up picking up his clothes on the floor.  
\- It’s not necessary, Reade. I buy something on the way. - Tasha took her bag that was thrown on the chair and rummaged inside looking for her cell phone.  
\- Tash... - Reade called her.  
\- Yes. - She turned her attention away from what she was doing and looked at him for the first time since he woke up.  
\- Are we going to be okay? - He asked worriedly.  
\- Of course! We always do. - The girl stated.  
\- Everything that happened yesterday... - He paused. - The tape, and then ...  
\- Reade! It's okay, really. - She gave him a sincere smile. - I want to know about you. What are you thinking of doing?  
\- I'm going to pack some things and talk to Weller. Excuse me and ask for a license. - Reade was already dressed and approached Tasha who was near the door.  
\- I'm very happy, Reade. - She said smiling. - I was worried about everything that was happening to you. - She said very quietly really worried.  
\- I know, Tasha. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. - Reade said sorry. - You were not to blame for anything and I dumped everything on you.  
\- It's all right. - She gave him a sincere smile. If she stayed another minute in that apartment, she knew she might have the impulse to throw herself into his arms and repeat all the actions from the night before. But she couldn't do that. They were friends, and Tasha wasn't even his type. - I am going.

A few weeks passed after the night they watched the tape. Tasha saw very little Reade. Most of the times they met was when he went to the SIOC for sessions with Dr. Sun and for shooting training. What he was doing was Weller's conditions for him to return and not be told what had happened to his superiors.  
Tasha was happy that he got a second chance and was willing to change. She and Reade didn't talk about what they did that night. They both knew it was an impulse at a time of extreme weakness. It was good, very good, neither of them would deny it. Sleeping in his arms made her feel happy and safe, even in a condition like that, and she knew it made him feel that way too. She knew that if she had a choice, she would never go back or change what they did.

The problem is that the recklessness of the two brought another cause for concern for the brunette who was already almost pulling her hair out with this possibility. The days passed and she had not had the courage to take an exam, as she was in denial. One thing she knew, neither of them was able to raise a child in the situation they were in. Reade all messed up recovering from his traumas and Tasha increasingly demanded at work, because they were at a crucial moment of an investigation to dismantle a terrorist organization and it was apparently far from over, and without Reade they were with one less and she he needed to give everything to his team.  
She was always out of work, she always lived for it and she didn't think she would be able to change like that all of a sudden. A son. No, they couldn't, not now. She couldn't bring Reade into this situation. They didn't have to go through this. She knew what would be the right thing to do. He just needed to wait a few more days to build up the courage and take the damn exam.

That morning she woke up determined. When he returned from work, he would stop by the pharmacy and buy the exam. I was tired of putting it off. She had already cried for fear of the result. Tasha had never thought about being a mother, but she knew that maybe that day would come, but she hoped she was prepared, because she wanted to be a good person for her son and she honestly didn't feel ready, but she also didn't know if she would have the courage to have an abortion. A son of Reade. It was all she could ask for, because she knew she really loved him. But would Reade want her child? It was destroying her from the inside and she didn't even know how to explain how she was managing to concentrate on work. Patterson had realized that she was worried because she asked him, but she made up some excuse that seems to have convinced the blonde to leave her alone.

Ready! Exam purchased. Now it was just a matter of carrying out the procedures. She had to know. I needed to get this out of your head. He opened the package and followed the procedures. While he waited, he went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Those five minutes seemed like an eternity. She went back to the bathroom and checked the exam. A red line. She slid against the cold wall of the bathroom and sat on the floor. He let the tears flow. I didn't know if it was relief or disappointment. As much as she knew she was unable to have a child at that moment, she felt sad. What if I never had a chance again? Reade's son was more than she could ever dream of. But on the other hand, she didn't even know if he wanted to have a child with her and he wouldn't feel forced into this situation. She wasn't even your type.  
After the shock, she took out her cell phone and called him. - Reade! - She said excitedly as soon as he answered. – Let’s go out for a drink?

\-------- -------- --------

Today she thought that if she had been pregnant and had an abortion, she would have regretted it bitterly. And Reade would never forgive her if she did it without telling him and he found out later. Natasha thought she was very immature and insecure at the time. I had no idea of the greatness that was motherhood. And if it had happened at that time and she had carried on with the pregnancy, perhaps it would have saved her from taking many actions that left hurts in several people she loved.  
\- Still awake? He asked when he saw her fidgeting on the bed. - Come here he pulled her closer.  
The brunette snuggled her body in his and closed her eyes, succumbing to sleep. There was nothing better than to close your eyes at night and have a light and peaceful sleep. That was how she felt. In peace.


	10. Chapter 8

Natasha was lying on his chest after making love. It was so good to have him back after more than a week. She never needed a man to defend her, but knowing that he was at her side gave her double security. He had already fallen asleep, but she still allowed herself to stay awake for a while thinking about her life. In everything that brought her to this day.  
Xxxx xxxx xxxx  
\- Are you already going? - Reade asks when he sees her dressed sitting on the edge of the bed putting on her boots.  
\- Yes. - She confirmed. - I took a towel from the closet and took a shower. - Tasha said as she continued getting ready.  
\- You can use whatever you need, you know. - He replied sitting on the bed with the sheets covering only from the waist down. She glanced over and couldn't help but notice how calmer he was than when she arrived the night before.  
While taking a shower Tasha went over all the events. Watching the video was terrible. By far one of the worst experiences of his life, but if Reade needed her for this moment she would be with him. And after the tape ended it all happened very fast. Tasha couldn't say what happened to her to do that. Today thinking about what he did, he was sure that the moment was not right, and he would still have to deal with the consequences. She knew she induced Reade, because he wasn't thinking straight due to everything that was going on. Not that she thought he didn't want to, but they were friends and she had made that clear herself when he kissed her.  
\- I'll prepare breakfast for us. - Reade got up picking up his clothes on the floor.  
\- No need, Reade. I buy something on the way. - Tasha took her bag that was thrown on the chair and rummaged inside looking for her cell phone.  
\- Tash ... - Reade called her.  
"Yes." She turned her attention away from what she was doing and looked at him for the first time since he woke up.  
\- Are we going to be okay? He asked worriedly.  
\- Sure. We always do. - The girl stated.  
\- Everything that happened yesterday ... - He paused. - The tape, and then ...  
\- Reade! It's okay, really. - She gave him a sincere smile. - I want to know about you. What are you thinking of doing?  
\- I'm going to pack some things and talk to Weller. Excuse me and ask for a license. - Reade was already dressed and approached Tasha who was near the door.  
\- I'm very happy, Reade. - She said smiling. - I was very worried about everything that was happening to you. - She said very quietly really worried.  
\- I know, Tasha. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. - Reade said sorry. - You were not to blame for anything and I dumped everything on you.  
\- It's all right. - She gave him a sincere smile. If she stayed another minute in that apartment, she knew she might have the impulse to throw herself into his arms and repeat all the actions from the night before. But she couldn't do that. They were friends, and Tasha wasn't even his type. - I am going.

A few weeks passed after the night they watched the tape. Tasha saw very little Reade. Most of the times they met was when he went to SIOC for sessions with Dr. Sun and for shooting training. What he was doing was Weller's conditions for him to return and not be told what had happened to his superiors.  
Tasha was happy that he got a second chance and was willing to change. She and Reade didn't talk about what they did that night. They both knew it was an impulse at a time of extreme weakness. It was good, very good, neither of them would deny it. Sleeping in his arms made her feel happy and safe, even in a condition like that, and she knew it made him feel that way too. She knew that if she had a choice, she would never go back or change what they did.  
The problem is that the recklessness of the two brought another cause for concern for the brunette who was already almost pulling her hair out with this possibility. The days passed and she had not had the courage to take an exam, as she was in denial. One thing she knew, neither of them was able to raise a child in the situation they were in. Reade all messed up recovering from his traumas and Tasha increasingly demanded at work, as they were at a crucial moment of an investigation to dismantle a terrorist organization and it was apparently far from over, and without Reade they were with one less and she he needed to give everything to his team.  
She was always out of work, she always lived for it and she didn't think she would be able to change like that all of a sudden. A son. No, they couldn't, not now. She couldn't bring Reade into this situation. They didn't have to go through this. She knew what would be the right thing to do. He just needed to wait a few more days to build up the courage and take the damn exam.  
That morning she woke up determined. When he returned from work, he would stop by the pharmacy and buy the exam. I was tired of putting it off. She had already cried for fear of the result. Tasha had never thought about being a mother, but she knew that maybe that day would come, but she hoped she was prepared, because she wanted to be a good person for her son and she honestly didn't feel ready, but she also didn't know if she would have the courage to have an abortion. A son of Reade. It was all she could ask for, because she knew she really loved him. But would Reade want her child? It was destroying her from the inside and she didn't even know how to explain how she was managing to concentrate on work. Patterson had realized that she was worried because she asked him, but she made up some excuse that seems to have convinced the blonde to leave her alone.  
Ready! Exam purchased. Now it was just a matter of performing the procedures. She had to know. I needed to get this out of your head. He opened the package and followed the procedures. While he waited, he went into the kitchen to make some coffee. Those five minutes seemed like an eternity. She went back to the bathroom and checked the exam. A red line. She slid against the cold wall of the bathroom and sat on the floor. He let the tears flow. I didn't know if it was relief or disappointment. As much as she knew she was unable to have a child at that moment, she felt sad. What if I never had a chance again? Reade's son was more than she could ever dream of. But on the other hand, she didn't even know if he wanted to have a child with her and he wouldn't feel forced into this situation. She wasn't even your type.  
After the shock, she took out her cell phone and called him. - Reade! - She said excitedly as soon as he answered. - Shall we go out for a drink?

xxxx xxxx xxxx

Today she thought that if she had been pregnant and had an abortion, she would have regretted it bitterly. And Reade would never forgive her if she did it without telling him and he found out later. Natasha thought she was very immature and insecure at the time. I had no idea of the greatness that was motherhood. And if it had happened at that time and she had carried on with the pregnancy, perhaps it would have saved her from taking many actions that left hurts in several people she loved.  
\- Still awake? He asked when he saw her fidgeting on the bed. - Come here he pulled her closer.  
The brunette snuggled her body in his and closed her eyes, succumbing to sleep. There was nothing better than to close your eyes at night and have a light and peaceful sleep. That was how she felt. In peace.


	11. Chapter 9

It was a perfect night. Tasha rested as she hadn't done in days. Being in his arms was all she could want. He allowed himself to look asleep for a few minutes, but he knew he needed to get up and get ready, because in less than forty minutes they would need to leave. She approached him from behind and placed kisses on his bare, bare back. His scent intoxicated her even after years. She would never tire of the mornings that she woke up next to him. His hug was the best, the best kiss she had ever experienced. She had made her choice years ago. He had chosen to talk about his feelings and they both chose to grow old together. She would never regret the decisions that led them here.  
Natasha sometimes reflected on some things she had done, some decisions she had made and that instead of bringing her closer to the people she loved had driven them away. The brunette always chose the job above all. But in life there are times when we need to think with the heart as well, not just with the mind.

xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

That week was tough for Tasha. She offered to infiltrate a penitentiary. They needed to obtain information that would not have been possible otherwise. She needed to meet and befriend a detainee who was part of the terrorist organization they had been chasing for the past few months. Taking that risk had almost cost her life, but she chose to take a chance.  
With great effort they managed to arrest a couple from the terrorist group. But they would not easily reveal anything.  
\- I need to keep trying until he gets tired. Weller approached her, watching the interrogation through the cameras.  
\- He will never speak. - Tasha spoke discouraged. - Take the cameras and I will get everything out of him in less than a minute.  
\- If we do that we will be equaling him. - Weller disagreed.  
\- I dont care.  
\- Tasha, I know you're angry. You went to hell and came back today ...  
\- Exactly. I put my life on the line. I want it to be worth it. I can't bear to see him smiling knowing he has the answers.  
\- Tasha, we have to use the strategy.  
\- No. We have to change the way we act. Only then will we be able to stay ahead of them.  
\- We follow our rules. Not theirs.  
\- There are no rules when it comes to these terrorists! - Natasha's voice was changed. - They tried to kill us and will we keep quiet?  
\- Still there is a right way and a wrong way, Tasha. - Weller said decidedly.  
Tasha knew that this conversation would lead to nothing. The way the FBI worked sometimes pissed her off. See the bandits laughing in their faces. She didn't know how long she could handle working like this, hands tied.  
Annoyed she went to Reade's apartment to vent. Since the last time she asked him to drink, she hardly saw him. Their friendship did not seem to be shaken after everything that happened. The brunette's life returned to normal after her menstruation normalized and she was doing everything to get the tightness out of her head. Natasha had made the decision to stifle her love for Reade in the name of their friendship that was too precious to be shaken by something she knew she felt alone.  
\- Forgive me for not having something stronger to offer you. - Reade said filling two glasses with Bourbon.  
\- No I'm sorry. You don't even have to listen to me complain about work. - She said. - I was just missing talking to someone.  
\- You have Weller.  
\- Can anyone talk to him besides Jane?  
\- He doesn't give much openness, but he certainly protects us.  
\- If we want to win the war, we have to change things.  
\- And how are you thinking of doing that? Reade asked as they drank.  
\- I just want to say that there is a world where we don't do everything right. - Tasha spoke angrily.  
\- If this world exists, it's not the FBI. - Reade was categorical.  
Tasha left with those words in her head.  
A few days later Reade revealed that he did not intend to return to the FBI. He had signed up to work in Quantico. Teach young agents. Tasha felt betrayed by him considering the possibility of leaving everything behind, even after everything he went through and also everything that happened between them.  
Weller and Jane had finally been together for a few months. They would get married and move to Colorado to be closer to Bethany, Kurt's baby daughter.  
The ceremony was beautiful. Reade had come from Quantico for the ceremony. Tasha decided to enjoy every moment of his company. They drank and had fun, danced together. The brunette considered the possibility of revealing her feelings to him, but restrained herself again. As they danced, she chose to close her eyes and let herself be carried away by the rhythm of the music and the steps he took her. The world didn't seem to exist outside. To be so close to him again, to smell his perfume, to be carried away by his hug. Everything was magical that night.  
It was late and she was too drunk to act consciously, so I knew it was time to go. He said goodbye to his friends and Reade.  
\- Do you want me to take you? - He volunteered.  
\- You don't have to. Stay and have some more fun.  
He pulled her to him and hugged her. The brunette let herself snuggle in him a little more until she lifted her face and looked at him touching his face with affection. Reade came over and placed a soft kiss on her cheek and she was gone.  
This was the last closest contact the two had. The following week Kurt and Jane left and Patterson had received a proposal to work with game applications in Silicon Valley. She found herself alone without her friends at the FBI.  
That's when the new FBI director called Reade to replace Weller as assistant director and she found herself working with Reade again. But nothing looked like before. He avoided letting her go to the field when she was just trying to do her job, even if for that she went a little too far in interrogations and snatched the suspects' information at any cost.  
On a day that she was already very angry and outraged by this situation, the CIA participated in an investigation together with the FBI.  
\- Have you thought about that proposal? - More than a month ago Keaton asked you to work with him at the CIA. Tasha hadn't given it credit at the time, because she thought it was just a joke.  
\- Is it an official invitation? - She wanted to know.  
\- I'm making it official from now on.  
\- I need to think, Keaton. - She was tempted, but confused about what to decide.  
\- Listen, Tasha, I already saw how you work, your profile would fit perfectly with the agency's requirements, and here you know that you will always be prevented from showing all your skills.  
\- I'll think and tell you. Swear. - She promised.

The next day Rich was brought in to help with an investigation and she was irritated with Reade several times during the job. Reade made Tasha stay in the lab working with Rich and Stuart. So she decided to reveal it to him.  
\- The CIA offered me a job at Langley.  
\- And you are telling me this now? He asked angrily.  
\- Look, Reade since you became assistant director confined me to that office. I'm a field agent, that's where I want to do my best.  
\- So you will accept the proposal? - He asked upset.  
\- I'm thinking about it.  
Later Tasha was interrupted by Reade in the middle of an interrogation.  
\- She was about to confess everything when you interrupted me. - Tasha exploded when Reade arrived at the laboratory.  
\- Want to know why I'm not sending you to the field? - He also said annoyed. - You have been reckless all the time. Perhaps you will fit in better with the CIA.  
\- Are you firing me? - She changed the tone of voice clearly irritated.  
\- No. If you want to go the decision is yours. - But they both realized that the shit was done.  
\- Do I have reasons to stay, Reade? - She challenged him.  
Reade fell silent. Tasha expected to hear so much from him. I wanted him to ask her to stay. Say it would be okay. That they were both strange because they were not used to being subordinate to each other. She wanted him to say much more than that. She wanted him to say that he loved her, that he wanted her by his side. But he said nothing. Then Tasha knew. They would never be anything but co-workers.  
\- I'll get my resignation as soon as this case ends. - Tasha  
Tasha called Keaton and gave her answer. Then he called Kurt and Jane in Colorado and also Patterson to tell them about his departure from the FBI for the CIA.  
The brunette came home and cried like a child. She hadn't considered leaving the FBI before. It looked like he was leaving a part of her behind. Perhaps it was the best thing to do. She was leaving the following week. She didn't call Reade, nor did he call her. Natasha was determined to leave it behind and take it out of her head and heart.

xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

The two ate breakfast and got in the car. This week's investigation would demand everything from them and they were both willing to do their best to resolve this case.  
Since they started working as private investigators, they have had radical changes in their lives, but it was the best decision and also the best way they found to raise their children.


	12. Chapter 10

The house they lived in was almost an hour from the city and it was already dark when they returned. It was a condominium that had a large green area, swimming pool, sports court. They knew they had made a good choice when they bought the house, as it was a great place to watch the family grow, and it was not far from the city.  
The day was hectic, but they managed to gather much of the evidence they needed for the case they were working on. They had an office set up at home, but much of the work was done downtown in a small room they rented. They had a secretary and some consultants who helped them when they needed to be away.  
\- Did you talk to Iza today? He asked as they took off their coat and put away the things they brought.  
\- I spoke yesterday. She would arrive in Morocco today, so due to the time difference, I still haven't found a better time to call. - Natasha explained. - I just left a message in the morning.  
Iza, the oldest daughter, at twenty-five years old, worked for the CIA. The girl had always been determined and since she was a little girl she knew what she wanted. Her parents tried to convince her to pursue another profession, but she was determined and stubborn, and nothing they said would change her mind. So she went to college for three years and in the fourth year she did some tests and got the job at the agency.  
She had been traveling the world for more than three years, much of it in training, but she had already completed some missions. Natasha was always worried about her daughter who spent days without giving notice, but soon called as if nothing had happened and spent hours telling her what she was doing. She looked happy and did what she liked. That was the most important thing.  
Miguel was the opposite of Iza. Calm, patient. Very connected to the family. He was married and had two children. He was a partner in a law firm and was fulfilled. He gave his all to his wife and children. Iza, in turn, had a few boyfriends, but none that really won her heart. She was from the world. He had a free spirit. She remembered her mother a lot when she was younger.  
Natasha could understand perfectly the difference between the two children. For that was how she always compared herself to Reade. So different from her. The two were so opposed, but they got along well in their differences, in fact they couldn't stay away from each other for a long time, and if they stayed homesick it was unbearable.

xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

\- Reade? Tasha asked, startled to see him.  
She did not know where he was and did not understand why he was in front of her. Tasha tried to get up, but her head hurt and she felt dizzy. You should be seeing things.  
\- Calm! Calm! You were drugged. - She heard Reade speak as he helped her to her feet.  
\- Where we are? - Natasha studied the environment around her. They were in a kind of cage, and the door was locked with chains and padlocks.  
\- Still do not know. I woke up about an hour ago. - He explained. - I heard the guards speaking Spanish outside. Our cell has plenty of water. So they must be planning to leave us here for a while. Good. That's what I understood. - Reade finished with a shrug.  
\- It's good to see you. Even though she was kidnapped. - Reade handed him a bottle. - I can't believe it's been a year. - Tasha said while drinking the water.  
\- Not so long ago. - Reade said as he seemed to do the mental calculations.  
\- I completed 365 days at the CIA. You haven't spoken to me since I left. It's been a year. - She concluded.  
Tasha knew perfectly well how long she hadn't seen him. The months, the days, and maybe even the hours. She had never forgotten him since he left. She had the last image of him in her mind at the end of that day.  
One year ago  
While removing her things from the closet the brunette saw him standing at the door watching her. She wasn't sure how long he had been there when she saw him. Natasha had let the tears wash over her face and when she heard that he was watching her cry she was very ill. She didn't want him to see her in that state. I didn't want him to think that she didn't know what she was doing. She tried to show security when she resigned. But now, allowing him to see her crying made her feel even worse for making that decision.  
He said nothing while looking at her, nor did she say anything. He just picked up the box of his things and passed him at the door.

Current days  
That day, Tasha thought she left everything behind. For a year she immersed herself in her new job. He put all his focus on the training received, and there were many lessons learned. The work was hard and the trips were long. She had traveled to virtually every continent during this period, and was grateful to have the opportunity.  
But what she couldn't deny was that during the time she was away she expected a call from him. Late at night she checked her mailbox hoping to find something, but there was nothing. The brunette didn't have the courage to call. She was proud of her being and thought that after all it was he who should look for her.  
And now he was in front of you. Without the jacket, but with a tie and vest. It was beautiful, as always. Tasha felt his chest tighten, and felt an overwhelming urge to hug him. Willingness to hug your friend. Embrace the love of your life.  
\- Remember how they got you? Where? When? - Reade asked taking her out of her reverie.  
\- It's ok! They turned when they heard Patterson yelling at the guards as he was being brought into the cell.  
\- Did they catch you too? Oh no! - The blonde came talking.

\- We were drugged. - Tasha explained.  
\- We can be anywhere in the world. - Reade concluded.  
\- But why did they catch us? - Patterson asked knowing that they would not have an answer to that question - Why us?  
\- What? Tasha asked when she saw the look Reade gave her.  
\- Kidnap, drug and take it to another country? Clearly a CIA thing. - Reade said pointing to Tasha.  
\- Do you think we did that? - Tasha spoke upset with his assumption.  
\- You or someone you pissed off in one of your suspicious operations.  
\- The three of us were kidnapped, genius! Do you think it's a coincidence? No, it certainly has something to do with our time at the FBI. I don't know what you're implying, but ...  
\- Right! We can find out who was to blame after we left here. Patterson interrupted them.  
Some men came in carrying a safe.  
\- Open or die. - One of the men spoke while throwing a tool bag on the floor and the others put the safe in the middle of the cell. - Your time has started.  
The men walked away, closing the door again and leaving them with this suicidal task.  
\- We can't open this. - Reade starts talking.  
\- I mean. It's an embassy safe. - Patterson explains. - So it is not very difficult to decipher. It's not easy, but ...  
\- I'm talking about protocol, Patterson. - Reade tries to look at the side of the law. - We are government officials in the USA. We do not negotiate with terrorists.  
\- You have to stop seeing things in black and white. - Tasha scolds him.  
\- I don't see things in black and white. - Reade denies what Tasha just said about him.  
\- Do you want a moral victory, or do you want to get us out of here? - Tasha speaks in a changed voice. - If we don't open this soon they will kill us.  
\- We don't know what's inside. Opening it can put more lives at risk. Maybe it doesn't bother you, but it sure does. - Reade continues.  
\- If you think that because I'm a CIA now I don't want to save lives ...  
\- Stop it! Stop it! - Patterson shouts interrupting them. - This has nothing to do with the safe, you know. - The blonde continued with a changed voice. - You're mad because she went to the CIA. She looked at Reade angrily. - And you are angry that he ignored you since you left. - Complete addressing Tasha.  
Tasha crossed her arms over her chest and turned sideways with a serious expression. Reade was silent, pondering everything he had just heard.  
\- Guys, everything was different after Weller and Jane left. We all feel and deal with it in our own way. You two are not mad at each other. You miss them. - Tasha looked at Reade again in an attempt to see if she could decipher a little of what Patterson said in his expression. He looked at her a little more calmly now. Yeah, maybe he missed her too. - I missed you too. Reade, Zapata is right. If we do nothing, they will kill us, and then they will find someone who does what they want. We have to find a way to buy time while we think of a way to escape. Are you with me or not?  
Tasha and Reade looked at each other, thinking about everything Patterson had just said. She was right. The two were angry, because they missed each other and found no better way to demonstrate this, except spitting out harsh words.  
\- It's all right. - They both agreed.

After a few hours of working in the safe, they were tired. They found out they were in Venezuela. Patterson was still trying to crack the code. Tasha and Reade were sitting on the floor propped up on a pillar. They made fun of the food and they were both clearly more relaxed. Tasha felt good about being close to Reade, even in the circumstances they were in. It was good to see you again.  
Patterson managed to open the safe, but they didn't think they should deliver the contents to them. They had an idea to blow up all its contents after the six hours that the men promised to wait.  
The three mounted a small bomb and when the guards returned they let them fire the bomb and took the opportunity to surrender them and take the weapons. Everything went so crazy that when they left outside Jane and Kurt were waiting for them with a battle tank.  
Patterson, Tasha and Reade climbed into the tank and found their friends again. Everyone went back to New York. Some members of the terrorist group that they destroyed in the past were reported to have returned to active duty and were working on new attacks worldwide, but with a greater focus on the United States.  
Hirst, FBI director, Keaton, CIA director, and Edgar Reade, assistant director of the FBI, got into a discussion about how they should act from there.  
Keaton and Hirst did not agree on how to work together to investigate what was going on.  
\- Hey! Look! - Reade caught their attention. - The point is that we need to work together here. Listen. This is very complicated for both sides, so I propose a joint task force.  
"Ah, what is it?" Keaton complained.  
\- Listen. To counteract this threat, we have to pool our resources. We may not enjoy working together. But I think I'm right. - Reade explained.  
\- Do you want to do this job, or recover your old partner? - Keaton was very direct in asking Edgar.  
\- You take care of the CIA side, right? Choose the agents you prefer. I just suggest that it is someone with experience in this matter.  
Reade clearly wanted Tasha to be part of the task force. He missed his business partner, he couldn't deny it, but he also missed his friend and confidant. They had been away for a year, and a lot had changed. Having the opportunity to work together again could be good for getting closer and trying to regain the friendship they have always had.  
\- What do you think, Hirst? - Reade asked his boss.  
\- If you think it is the best decision, I support you. - Hirst replied. - But I'll blame you if something goes wrong. - She finished very straight.  
\- Guys, let's set up a joint task force. - Reade spoke approaching the rest of the team that was waiting for their decision.  
\- Let's go after these terrorists! - Kurt intervened.  
\- Yes! I can't force you to participate, but ...  
\- I'm in. - Kurt replied immediately.  
\- Me too. - Tasha agreed.  
Everyone looked at Patterson, who remained silent.  
\- Many people count on me in California.  
\- What's up, Patterson? You know I can reinstate it in a heartbeat. - Reade said addressing the blonde.  
\- I'm going to help them get organized, but then I'm leaving. - She agreed after some thought. Patterson knew there was no way out, due to the looks that friends put on her.  
\- It's all right. We accept. - Reade spoke.  
Tasha felt her chest fill with joy when she knew they would work together again. Your old team. The place where it all started. And being close to Reade again. How do you know she would finally find the courage to open her heart? She felt it could be different this time. The brunette no longer wanted to leave her happiness behind. It is about making the right decisions that would make you feel full.

xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx

\- Tasha, come watch the game! - He called her from the living room. - I already brought the beers.  
\- I'm going. Just finishing answering Miguel's message. - She replied approaching. - Did you see the video of the children they sent?  
The two found themselves watching Luca and Bia playing in the pool. It was a hot day and the parents made the children feel at ease. Natasha already missed them. They reminded him of his children when they were young.


	13. Chapter 11

He had a bad dream and woke up scared. In the dream Tasha was leaving. She disappeared from his arms and nothing he did prevented her from going. It was no use shouting her name, it disintegrated in front of her and became nothing more than smoke.

He sat on the bed scared and looked to the side. There she was and she wasn't going anywhere. The brunette was sleeping peacefully. He thought about how many times he was there to lose her. How many times did she seem to slip out of his hands. Perhaps because of his own fault, for not knowing how to ask her to stay. For not knowing how to express what I felt. For not saying that I loved you from the beginning. For choosing someone else and not her.  
But no matter how far they went, they always came back somehow. Fate brought them close. Until a time comes when they can no longer stay away.

xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx

The return to work was not easy for the team. Everything was different. Patterson was unable to work with Stuart, a technician who took over the lab in his absence. And it seems that not everyone was prepared to take orders from Reade, who proved to be authoritarian and difficult to deal with.  
Both went on a mission and were all very nervous, as nothing was going as planned. During the mission, they witnessed the explosion of a satellite in a field close to where they were. They took all possible information on the spot and returned to the SIOC where they learned that North Korea was about to fire nuclear missiles at the United States.  
It was not easy to find the mercenaries who were passing information to North Korea. With some connections to the CIA and also people with whom Jane had worked, it was possible to locate the location where the missiles were stored.  
During the working day Tasha was alone with Patterson in the lab.  
\- Patterson! - The brunette caught the friend's attention. - Only I noticed, or do you also think there is something strange with assistant director Reade? - Throughout the day Tasha had been wondering about his friend's behavior.  
\- As well? - The blonde asked.  
\- He didn't say a word that wasn't giving order today. - Tasha explained.  
\- Give him a discount. - The blonde said after reflecting for a moment. - When I created my Wizardville app I contacted some friends to work with me. And giving them orders all the time was neither easy nor fun.  
\- I don't want it to be fun. I just want it to be normal. - The truth is that Tasha did not expect everything to be so different.  
\- Maybe we need to find our new normal.  
\- Let's try to get it. - Tasha said with little courage.

Reade was in his office finalizing reports on the last mission when Principal Hirst went there.  
\- Assistant Reade, what's going on? - The woman questioned him.  
\- Nothing I did today worked. - He explained discouraged.  
\- Do you want my opinion? - The woman asked trying to find a way to help him.  
\- Sure.  
\- Your team is back, and you're trying to compensate. Taking on too many tasks, doubting himself, and almost being killed. - She explained.  
\- Please get to the point.  
\- Be the leader I know. Your team is the best of the best. That's why we set up this task force, wasn't it? Encourage them, trust them and they will bring results. - Hirst finished talking and left him alone in the room.  
She was right. Reade needed to take charge of the situation. And it would not be giving orders or arguing over anything that they would be able to work on. The truth is that seeing his friends all together again made him lose some of the control he had acquired during his tenure.  
And in the middle of it all, there was Tasha. Her presence was there, stronger than ever. He had been surprised to see her. She was different, more beautiful, more neat, her hair had a new cut and new tone. But it was still the same as always.  
Tasha had always been her best friend and suddenly she left and they didn't speak to each other anymore. And the circumstances in which she left the FBI were not very good, as Reade didn't even say goodbye. He had to confess that he missed him, but he had always been weak in making decisions, so he didn't have the courage to call, not even to know if she was okay, if she liked the new job, if she met new people, if she was with someone. He knew he had failed his best friend.  
Sometimes he thought of her, of everything that happened between them. It seemed to be much longer than he actually did, but he still remembered the details of that night, the smell of her, the taste of the kiss, the intense way she gave herself to him. Maybe they should have talked about that night, but he was so messed up and had already dragged her into all his mess that he preferred to let her think it was just a night when the two of them were needy and didn't really think about what they were doing. And the way she left the other day made it clear that it was no more than a night for her.  
Reade returned to the team and began to divide the tasks more carefully, making sure they were taking orders.

\- All satellites have returned and the anti-missile is back online. - Patterson said as soon as everyone returned to the lab.  
\- North Korea has retreated the missiles. - Hirst completed. - They won't recognize the attack. Good job, everyone. They saved many lives today.  
\- Yes, I also want to thank everyone. - Reade spoke gratefully.  
\- No need to thank us. - Jane completed.  
\- Yes, I do. This job is very difficult and has just begun. If the next steps are like today, we will have some surprises. We will have to adjust some things. It will take us a while to get used to our new roles. But we are a great team.  
\- Let's drink to that. - Tasha proposed.  
\- Nothing like that. - Reade intervened. - We won't have any more drinks in the lab. It's a new rule, but other than that, little has changed here. - He explained.

At the end of that day, everyone felt they needed to make an effort to get their old friends back. It would not be an easy task to find this new normal, but with a joint effort it would work.  
Reade was at home and had just finished showering and dressing when he heard the doorbell ring.  
\- Hi! - He greeted a smiling Tasha who was waiting at his door.  
The brunette was in front of him carrying a box of his favorite beer. After all, she knew what he liked. Certain things did not change.  
\- Hi. - The brunette said. - I'm looking for my best friend. You saw him?  
\- I think he moved to Langley, but you can leave the beer here. - He plays with her while picking up the beer can. - Sorry for today. I was an idiot. I promise I'll get better. I'm still getting used to having you back. - He apologized.  
\- Me too. I will strive to respect your authority, although technically Keaton is my real boss.  
\- Do you work at the CIA now? - He joked. - Funny, you never told me about it.  
\- Love, if you are the courier, give a good tip for leaving the delivery area. - A female voice spoke from inside the house.  
\- Are you on a date? - Tasha asked trying to look natural, but she felt she had come at a totally wrong time.  
\- Not exactly ... - Reade started to explain.  
\- Hi. - A brunette, probably Indian, said pointing from inside the apartment.  
\- This is Zapata, from work. - Reade introduced her friend to her.  
\- Tasha, this is my girlfriend Megan. - Reade introduced the woman to her friend. - We were going to sit and have dinner in our apartment. - He made a point of emphasizing 'our' so that Tasha knew who he was dealing with.  
Reade and Megan had been dating for a while. Shortly after Tasha left he met her and she was doing him a lot of good, which seemed mutual.  
\- Want to join us? - Megan offered. - The restaurant is great and we always order too much food. - She was very nice.  
\- No, it's very kind, but ... - Tasha didn't want to stay. It had been taken by surprise. If she had known that Reade was with someone she would never have gone there.  
\- Seriously, Tasha, we should have been here for centuries. - Meg explained. - I don't know any of Ed's coworkers.  
\- No, you and Ed scored something ... - Reade was surprised by the way Tasha said ‘Ed’. She had never called him that, she was probably just imitating Meg.  
\- No, Meg. - Reade tries to dissuade his girlfriend's idea. - We set something up the other day.  
\- Love, she's already here. - Megan seemed adamant. She brought drink. She will stay. - The woman completed. - Tasha, you will stay.  
\- Right. I will stay. - What Tasha wanted was to get out of there. She knew she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And he never wanted to be a nuisance to Reade and his girlfriend.  
\- She will stay. - Reade has no arguments and makes room for Tasha to enter.  
Maybe Reade should have told Tasha earlier that he was with Meg. But he didn't even have a chance. There was no way he intended to put them both in that situation. He knew that his friend was not comfortable, Reade knew her well. He wanted to talk to her, to apologize, but he didn't even know how to do it.  
Dinner was quiet. Meg was a great person and did everything to make Tasha comfortable. After the friend left Megan didn't comment much, just said that she looked like a great person. Reade on the other hand was confused.  
He thought he was fine with Meg, but Tasha's presence was now everywhere. At work, today in your apartment. And something he would never say, he was also in his dreams that night. She was there with that wide smile and bright eyes looking at him, and suddenly he saw Megan also smiling next to Tasha.

xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx

After wandering around the empty, silent house, he went back to bed. It had been so many years since it all happened, but he could see clearly and understand why it was so. He curled up next to his beloved, pulling her to him and placing a sweet kiss on her hair and soon fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 12

\- Good morning my love! - He held a tray with a cup of hot coffee, pancakes, strawberry and yogurt.  
\- Um ... - She woke up and sat on the bed, delighted with what he had done. It had been a long time since that happened. - Any special dates? - Tasha asked receiving the kiss he gave her.  
\- It is special to have you in my life every day. - He declared smiling as Tasha raised the coffee cup to her lips.  
\- Wow, now I'm even more flattered. - After so many years Tasha was still able to blush at the displays of affection he did.  
\- But there's a little something. - He took a strawberry, dipped it in yogurt and brought it to his mouth.  
\- Love, I know we don't have the right time to do this, but it's not too early and we have an appointment with a client in the morning. - Tasha explained as she cut a piece of the pancake with her fork.  
\- That's not it. Well, it could be too. - He touched her face with his free hand, caressing her. - It's something else. I was thinking about taking a few days out and taking a trip.  
\- Ah. This is very good, but do you think we can do that for now? We have so much work at the agency. - In the last few months they were working hard. Cases sprang up on all sides and it was difficult to say no.  
\- I am thinking of continuing only with the cases we are working on and not accepting new cases for now, maybe we can get at least ten days at the beginning of next month. - He proposed.  
\- Fine! - She replied excitedly and pulled him towards her giving her a longer kiss. - And where are we going?  
\- Let's choose together!

xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx  
Knowing that Reade was dating was a blow to Tasha. She should have guessed that he wouldn't be alone for that long, as he had had several girlfriends since she met him. However, no relationship seemed more serious than with Megan. She had even moved into his apartment. Tasha saw the remnant of her chances going down the drain. Not that she had the courage to declare herself, but she thought she would be able to keep what she felt for him in her comfort zone, as she had been doing.  
Megan was very friendly and Tasha sympathized with her. That night's dinner was pleasant and the two exchanged phones and even went out to train together over the weekend and had coffee after training.  
Tasha felt guilty for making friends with her, as she couldn't see Reade just as a friend, no matter how hard she tried. Each time he approached her, she felt her heart stop, and she still didn't know how he hadn't noticed anything, because his feelings seemed to be stamped on his face. The brunette had even thought of talking to him and telling him how she was feeling, but she was so afraid of his reaction, and now with Meg. She didn't want to spoil something that was making him happy. Tasha just didn't know how long she would endure this situation.  
The team continued to work together to resolve cases and were finding the same harmony as before. Tasha felt good about being in their company, and admitted that she had missed being in the middle of the people she loved and trusted. She and Patterson were closer than ever, talking, going out together, training, laughing.

The team was meeting at the Wellers' house one night after work. Patterson and Rich had not arrived and they drank and talked, relaxed. Tasha had given up and downloaded the app Patterson had created in Silicon Valley.  
\- You play Wizardville, don't you? - Tasha asks Jane who was sitting next to her on the couch.  
\- I'm obsessed. Kurt says I have a problem. - Jane says with a chuckle.  
\- And there is, Tasha. - Kurt overhears their conversation and approaches Jane.  
\- Okay, explain that. - Tasha shows Jane her cell phone. - What is that noise and how do I hang up?  
\- It is to warn that a high level player is using the same wifi. - Jane explains. - But it's weird because it's not me and Kurt never played.  
They hear the noise of the game inside the room.  
\- Reade! - Tasha speaks in a warning tone looking at the bitter.  
\- Zapata ... - Reade pretends to be misunderstood.  
\- Do you want to tell me something? - Tasha gets up and goes to the counter where Reade is.  
\- No. - The boy denies it.  
\- What level are you on? - Tasha insists.  
\- Well, first of all, they are called missions, not levels. - Reade explains about the game.  
\- Seriously? You too? - Kurt asks Reade taking his glass and heading to the sofa where Jane is.  
\- Why didn't you tell me? Tasha asks him loudly. - Why were you ashamed!  
\- No, because you are competitive and bossy, and the last thing I need is you trying to tell me how to play a damn game.  
\- Right. I will detonate you. - Tasha speaks without looking at her cell phone. It will not differentiate your hobbit from a hole in the ground.  
\- There is no hobbit in Wizadville. - Reade laughs.  
\- We'll see when I'm done. - The brunette insists.  
\- It makes no sense. - Reade continues.  
\- You're done. - Tasha.  
\- I was already missing their discussions. - Kurt tells Jane that he laughs in affirmation.  
The week passed quickly. Tasha and Reade worked together and he saved her from being shot. The brunette is grateful to be together again. Complicity during this particular case brings comfort to your heart. It was nice to know that she could still trust him with her life. And the way he held her gaze made Tasha shiver and she thought she could have seen more than friendship in that gesture. But they are Tasha and Reade and again they would not talk about anything like that.  
Tasha was with Patterson in the investigation into Stuart's death. They tried to retrace his steps and find out more about what he was working on that led to his being murdered. Investigations pointed to a case that appeared to have tried to be covered up by someone inside the FBI. Tasha didn't even want to think that Reade could be behind this. Although he had been awkward in the past few days. She had asked him to go out to eat, because she knew he was alone, because Meg had traveled for work. But he said he couldn't go because he was tired and would go home. Then Tasha saw him hanging out with Attorney West. Her concern increased even more. And if Reade was behind something wrong.  
Deep down Natasha knew that Reade would not be corrupted. She knew him too well to believe that he would not betray the government. Or would he have changed that much in the time they were away? Tasha didn't know what it was like to be in power, but she knew what it was like to be alone with none of your loved ones around, without those who love you so they wouldn't let you forget who you are and where you came from. And she sincerely hoped that Reade had not become corrupted.  
xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx


	15. Chapter 13

\- Love! I thought of a place to go! - Tasha said while preparing breakfast.  
\- IT IS? I also thought of several possibilities.  
\- Brazil!  
\- Ah! Seriously? - He replied smiling. - We talked about going there sometimes, but we always postpone it. I think it would be good. - He got all excited.  
\- Yes. Even that time we planned Iza got sick and we had to cancel. - She spoke remembering when her children were small. - I was thinking about an island called Fernando de Noronha. - The brunette sat next to him and took the cell phone to show some pictures. - It's paradisiacal. It has some perfect walks, and some wonderful rustic inns.  
\- I'm already excited. Let's get organized then.  
\- I'll send you the research I did.

xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx

The next morning Tasha waited for Reade in his office. She needed to talk to him. After all, they always talked about everything and she didn't understand why he now wants to hide something from his best friend. It is certain that they stayed a year apart and before she left for the CIA their friendship was no longer the same. But despite that, Tasha still thought she could trust him.  
The brunette still couldn't understand why Reade got in his car with Inspector West, but she knew she needed to find out.  
\- Looks like someone needs my help with Wizadville. - Reade said as he entered his office and found Tasha playing the application that Patterson had launched while waiting for him. - Let me guess, you've reached the Elfin Pit and don't know how to raise the drawbridge.  
\- I own the bridge. - She replied triumphantly.  
\- Excuse me! - He spoke defensively. - What is happening? - The boy asked sitting in his chair.  
\- I expected you to tell me. - She said in a calm tone, taking her eyes off her cell phone. - What were you doing with Jonathan West?  
\- What?  
"I texted and you said you were going home, but you were with that State Department idiot the day he lost our criminal."  
\- Are you watching me? - He spoke defensively.  
\- I just saw him getting into his car. - She explained. - Look, I know there must be a good reason ...  
\- I don't need a reason. - Reade said upset. - I'm an assistant director of this office. What's so strange about that?  
"I didn't mean to piss you off ..." Tasha tried to argue.  
\- Hey. I want to show you something. - Patterson said opening the door and interrupting them.  
\- We can at least ... - She tried to continue.  
\- No. - Reade answered categorically getting up and leaving the room.  
The entire team met in the lab and Patterson started explaining the case they were working on.  
Tasha realized that Reade was treating her with coldness and indifference. At a certain point she did not take away his reason, because as much as she thought she was right, she was still meddling in his life.  
During the working day, the assistant director did not allow Tasha to go to the field with Jane and Weller and instead said he gave her bureaucratic service to resolve leaving her trapped in the SIOC.  
His attitudes throughout the day increased her suspicion that something was wrong. Tasha decided to do the same to him, to keep her distance, making her get even closer to Patterson to whom she told her suspicions.

Reade noticed that Director Hirst was watching him. She even knew about her argument with Zapata.  
\- I heard you and Zapata argued this morning. - The director approached him when she found him in her office.  
\- This place is worse than school. - Reade confidential.  
\- What is happening? - She wanted to know if she was willing to support him.  
\- She saw me with West and wanted to know what I was doing with him. - He explained. - She's a busybody, so ...  
\- She's a busybody. - Hirst completed. - Do you think you can trust her?  
\- Of course. - The boy stated. - But it does not matter. I didn't say why I met with West.  
\- I'd leave it like that if I were you. - Advised him.  
\- Don't worry about Tasha. She is a friend. - That Reade could affirm with certainty, because he knew well everything that the two had already passed together.  
\- Me too. I just don't want to see you suffer.  
Reade was not sure how to react to that conversation. Hirst could be his boss or whatever, but he didn't know if he would consider her his friend.

\- Tasha! I received an alert that someone entered our server to access Stuart's phone data. - Patterson and Tasha were trying to get some information back that would lead to the lab technician's killer, but they had already realized it was a dead end.  
\- Who was? - Tasha asked distressed.  
\- Reade.  
\- It can not be. It doesn't make any sense. Tasha felt her heart sink. - This test may be flawed. He's the head of the office, he has every right to analyze evidence. - The brunette knew she didn't want to admit that Reade was a traitor.  
\- He also has every right to destroy the evidence. - Patterson intervened. - Look, he didn't even open the files. He just went in and deleted the last fifty files. - The blonde explained.  
\- Which is? Reade wouldn't be stupid enough to ...  
\- He's covering his tracks. - Patterson concluded.  
\- There has to be an explanation. - Tasha continued to refuse to accept. - Reade is family.  
\- Borden was too. - Patterson said quickly.  
Tasha went back to her workplace worried and saw Reade approaching.  
\- About this morning ... - He sat at the table next to her with a cup of coffee in hand. - I know you were worried about me and I appreciate it. But you have to trust me too.  
\- I trust. - Tasha said with eyes full of water. She felt sad to be suspicious of him.  
\- Well, I think I earned it. - Reade was very close and stared at her from the bottom of his eyes. - And if I can't deal with something, I'll tell you. He put his hand over hers on the table, which made her shiver.  
\- Okay. - The brunette felt she could cry at any moment, but she didn't want to do that in front of Edgar.  
Reade got up and left, leaving her even more thoughtful and worried. She felt his hand burn after he released it.

The brunette continued working on the case when she received a call from Patterson.  
\- Hey! Listen, it's not Reade! - The blonde said terrified when Tasha went to her in the lab.  
\- How do you know? - The brunette didn't know if she felt relieved or even more worried.  
\- Do you know that Reade plays Wizardville? - With the brunette's confirmation she continued. - Well, the program has a 'back door'. It's not a big deal, but before you judge me, you should know that there was no way to program it without being able to spy on users. - The blonde spoke defensively. - Or that's not what I meant. I want to say that I have never used this feature before. But now it felt like an emergency, so ...  
\- Patterson, I don't care! What did you find? - She said distressed.  
\- Right. Reade's alleged login took place at a computer terminal inside the FBI, but he was not here. It was in a cafe in the center.  
\- Someone else used his login. - Tasha said remembering the moment when he sat beside her at the workstation with a cup of coffee in hand.  
\- They want to blame you! - Patterson was categorical.  
They were interrupted by a call from Weller and Tasha became even more concerned about her friend, knowing that someone was trying to harm him.  
Later that day, they discovered that it was Hirst who had used Reade's login and was trying to blame him for Stuart's death.  
\- How did you find that out?  
\- I used biometric software and checked all computers. Tasha was taken aback by the greatness of the work Patterson had just done.  
\- What does this program show?  
\- It draws the way each person uses a computer, like a digital signature. With that I found out that it was Hirst. She came in and erased all evidence from our servers. If she were innocent, she wouldn't do that.  
\- If she thought she was deleting Stuart's phone data, she sure has something to hide. - Tasha concluded.  
\- Do you think she killed Stuart?  
\- Or she is covering up who killed.

\- What part of ‘you need to trust me’ you didn’t understand? - Reade was horrified when the two went to talk to him to explain what they had found.  
\- Look, we're sorry. - Tasha intervened.  
"But aren't you happy that we found Hirst?" Asked Patterson.  
\- You are kidding?  
\- Reade, what is it? She used her login. - Tasha was incredulous.  
\- Supposedly! - Reade stated.  
\- Not! It was her. - Patterson explained. My biometric software ...  
\- Which is? Infallible like you? Want a gold star for planting fake evidence on a server and spying on other agents? This is not how we work at the FBI.  
\- Reade ... This is more important. - Tasha said.  
\- Hirst has taken care of me and helped me since I was in Quantico. I trust her. More than I can say about you now. They realize that this is exactly what they want. They want us to fight, to be at war. - Reade spoke in a lower voice than at the beginning.  
\- Fine. I could at least consider ...  
\- Real proof, Patterson? Certainly. As long as there is some. Now withdraw.  
\- They are very close. He doesn't want to see. - Tasha told Patterson after they left Reade's office.  
Again Tasha felt tears come to her eyes. She didn't want to lose Reade, but she knew it was happening. The brunette knew she needed to try to get around the situation.  
After leaving home that day she pondered what to do and decided to send a message.  
"Reade, I would like to apologize ..."  
She waited a little. He viewed the message, but did not respond. Tasha thought that everything was really lost.  
The brunette had already gone to bed when she heard her cell phone ring.  
\- Hello! - She spoke on an impulse.  
\- Tasha ... it's me. - It was Reade.  
\- Oh, hi. - She sat on the bed in distress.  
\- Look, about today ...  
\- It's all right. I'm sorry, ok? - She sincerely asked. - I promise I won't be meddling in your life ...  
\- No. I should apologize for the way I spoke to you. - He spoke and let out a long sigh. - I know you care about me ... too much. - He completed.  
Tasha felt ice in her chest. For a moment he thought he had been caught. He thought Reade had suspected her feelings for him because of the way she was acting.  
\- Me and. I'm passing the bill. I'll try to stop it ... - He spoke after a moment of silence.  
\- No, no! - Reade spoke a little louder. - Do not do it. I need you ... Even though I think you get over it sometimes.  
\- It's all right. - She laughed in a soft way feeling more relaxed.  
\- We'll talk tomorrow, okay?  
They said goodbye and Tasha imagined what it would be like if she were with him tonight. She knew that Megan was traveling and he was alone. He thought of several possibilities and considered whether to tell him everything he was feeling. In fact, everything you ever felt. She can't help remembering the night they spent together about two years ago. Tasha closed her eyes and thought about the way Reade took her in his arms and made love to her. She thought it could be centuries before she would ever forget that feeling.  
The brunette got to pick up the phone again, put her finger on his contact, but was unable to complete the call.

Reade was lying on his bed thinking about the call he had just made. Tasha. He needed to admit that she messed with him. Since the brunette had turned his head on, he couldn't think straight and knew that his relationship with Meg was being pushed.  
He couldn't feel with Meg as he did at the beginning of their relationship. His girlfriend had been traveling for two days and he didn't miss her. On the contrary, he longed to get to work every day and see Tasha, talk to her, hear her laugh. The friend was more beautiful. His haircut was different, his clothes more chic, his posture had changed. He realized that even the gleam in her eyes was more intense.  
He felt angry at her for spying on him, but he regretted the way he treated her. He didn't want to push her away again. I did want to bring her closer. Hug her, take their lips on yours. Make love. Oh God! What was he thinking? I needed to push those thoughts away.  
Tonight would be long. He decided to get up and work a little to change the focus of his mind.

Xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx

\- Tasha. I think this inn here seems to be the one with the best cost benefit. - Reade said that night when he lay in bed next to his wife who was reading a book.  
\- Which one? - She asked looking at what he showed on the cell phone. - Ah yes! I saw this one. Is beautiful.  
\- So it's decided! - He spoke cheerfully. - Now come here.  
He pulled her to him by placing a soft kiss on his sweet lips. Their bodies responded instantly to the contact. It was amazing how much more time spent their love and desire for each other didn't seem to be shaken.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you will join me for this trip.


End file.
